Nonstop (Open Skies Book 3) Page 7

  She shook her head. “That’s the entire problem, Bracken. I don’t want to sleep around you. I don’t want you to see what happens to me. I don’t want to share about my past.”

  He nodded. “Okay. I get that. But I’ve already seen what happens when you have a bad dream, so the cat’s out of the bag, right?”

  She closed her eyes and dipped her head down. She was exhausted. Mentally and physically.

  “You don’t have to talk about it. Just come lie down. Let me catch you if you fall. I suspect no one has ever been there for you, have they?”

  She sighed. He was extremely astute. Dammit.

  Bracken kicked off his shoes, scooted to the other side of her bed, and patted the spot next to him yet again. He was persistent. And she wanted to go to him so badly. She wanted to feel his touch. She wanted to experience what he’d given her the other night again. His hands roaming over her body. His lips following. Jesus.

  That’s not what he was offering her today, but it was what popped into her mind at the thought of lying next to him. “I don’t sleep with people,” she murmured, trying desperately to hold her ground. If she gave in, she would never have the spine to take a step back again.

  “I understand. You have PTSD. I’ve seen it hundreds of times, Rebekah. It’s common in my line of work. I’ve seen grown men wake up in a cold sweat just like you did. I’ve seen them mumble about things that made no sense to me. I’ve seen them jerk out of it and glance around with the same embarrassment you had. You’re not alone, baby. When people experience trauma, it’s hard to let it go. It can haunt you.”

  A tear came to her eye, and the damn thing broke loose and slid down her cheek, forcing her to swipe at it. He got it. He did. There was no reason to try and pretend otherwise. The problem was that he was going to want her to share, and that was never going to happen.

  His voice was softer when he spoke again. “You’re hurting. You don’t have to hurt alone.”

  She sucked in a sob. Damn him for being so nice. “I’m not going to talk about it, Bracken.”

  “Okay. You don’t have to.”

  “Ever,” she emphasized.

  “Okay.” His voice was gentle again. “The only thing I want you to do right now is sleep.”

  Her heart was pounding. His offer was so tempting. She was tired. Exhausted. Desperate. Lonely. Isolated. So many things. They were bearing down on her like heavy weights.

  Finally, she shuffled across the room and climbed onto the bed. She curled up on her side as he drew the covers over her, and then he spooned her from behind on top of the covers. He held her tight, kissing the top of her head. “Sleep, baby. I’ll be right here. If you have a nightmare, I’ll catch you.”

  He would catch her? Was that even possible?

  Another tear slid down her cheek, and she ignored it. She took a deep breath and then another. It felt so good to have him at her back, his arm around her. She felt cocooned. She felt safe. She closed her eyes and drifted off.

  Chapter 10

  Bracken breathed shallowly until he was certain Bex was sound asleep. Finally, he drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. She was in worse shape than he’d suspected. She clearly hadn’t slept and she needed a friend. He could be that for her. He would because he had no choice. He was falling hard for this woman and all the baggage she carried made no difference to him.

  He was intelligent enough to know something truly awful had happened to her. He was also sharp enough to realize it didn’t have anything to do with the madman on the plane. That incident triggered something else she had buried deep. Did her counselor know about this? Fuck, did anyone?

  Her breathing evened out, and he relaxed slowly next to her. He didn’t care that she hadn’t spoken a word about the other night or about their future. He felt like he’d won a huge victory simply by convincing her to let him stay and then agreeing to sleep in his arms.

  As long as she gave him one small thing at a time, she would eventually trust him enough to share. Maybe not everything right away, but some of it. He needed to be patient. She was very private. Reserved. She had skeletons that she wanted to keep inside her closet.

  Bracken hadn’t slept either, so it didn’t take long for him to fall asleep next to her, though he was careful to remain partly lucid at all times. He’d learned to do that in combat situations. He could still draw on it when he needed to. Now was one of those times. He wanted to be sharp in an instant if she woke up in a panic.

  She didn’t though. She slept soundly without moving. In fact, the next time he opened his eyes, it was almost dark and she was staring at him. Somehow she had managed to turn over in her sleep. She faced him, chewing on her bottom lip.

  He smiled at her. “Please tell me you slept.”

  “Longer than I have in years. Thank you.”

  “Good.” He stroked her cheek, brushing hair from her face. “Do you feel better?”

  She shrugged. “For now.”

  “When was the last time you ate?”

  “I’m not sure. I ate a few things yesterday.”

  “Then I need to feed you.”

  “Not yet. Please. I just want to lie here.” Her gaze roamed his face.

  “Okay.” He slid his hand down to her back.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t respond to your calls and texts. I didn’t know what to say. I just wanted to escape.”

  “I know. It’s okay. But you have to know that I’m not going to let you go without a fight. I like you. A lot. I was worried.”

  She licked her lips, her gaze roaming his face. “Thank you. I’m not…easy.”

  He chuckled. “Easy is overrated.”

  She smiled and that was all he needed. When she sobered, she continued. “This isn’t about the asshole on the plane, Bracken.”

  “I know.”

  She sighed. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Okay.” It wasn’t okay, but it would have to be for now. His only goal was to earn her trust and make her see that he was a good guy.

  “I don’t deserve you.”

  He smiled. “Sure you do. Everyone deserves to find someone to be happy with.”

  “I’m not sure they do. Some of us weren’t meant to be happy. Not really. Not permanently.”

  “That’s not true. You deserve happiness just like everyone else.” God, what the hell happened to her? His mind wandered to several possibilities. She spoke as if she’d been involved in an accidental death. Maybe she hit someone with her car or accidentally shot a toddler with a loaded weapon or gave her friend drugs that were inadvertently laced with something fatal. Maybe that person was Jenny. He hoped she wasn’t carrying around quite that much weight, but he was certain whatever her burden was, she hadn’t worked through it. She hadn’t had counseling or at least not good counseling.

  She sighed, no longer arguing with him but not believing him either.

  “Have you talked to your therapist about this?”

  “Not the current one.”

  “But you’ve had someone in the past?”

  “Sure. For all the good it did.” Her voice was low, angry, filled with sorrow and disappointment.

  At least some sort of counseling had happened at the time. Not every therapist was suited for every person. It would seem Bex hadn’t gotten the help she needed.

  “Do you like your current counselor?”

  She shrugged. “She’s fine. I just don’t want to discuss the past.”

  He considered pointing out that she would never be able to move forward until she worked out what happened to her in the past, but he’d pushed her enough for today. “For now, can you just agree to stay with me? I don’t want you to cut me off. Keep seeing me. Baby steps. One day at a time.” The longer she spent time with him, the less likely she would be to dump him. He hoped she would become more comfortable with him every day until she let her walls down.

  “I’ll try. I have a big problem I need to face, Bracken.” She met his gaze.

&nbs
p; Beyond the obvious? “What’s that, baby?”

  “I’m not going to be able to return to my job.”

  He nodded. “Okay. That’s still three weeks away. Let’s worry about that another day. Today, our goal will be to get you fed and find a way to ensure you start sleeping.”

  “I’m certain I can manage the first. The second is not going to happen.”

  “You slept fine with me. Maybe we can try that again.” He could hope. It would be fucking hard on him to start sleeping with her and keep his hands to himself, but he would do it. He had to.

  “Maybe…” She bit into her lip again, and he leaned forward and kissed her. Just a peck. Nothing that would make her retreat.

  She whimpered as he pulled back though, and his cock didn’t like it one bit.

  Chapter 11

  Bex was nervous about returning to Bracken’s house. It seemed like a really bad idea. After all, the last time she’d been there, she’d made a complete fool of herself.

  Except Bracken didn’t seem to think so at all. In fact, he was being unbelievably kind about the entire incident. Was she blowing it out of proportion?

  No. Of course not. He didn’t know the entire saga. Maybe he could brush it off as no big deal, but the problem was she didn’t want to discuss it. Ever. How long was he going to permit her to keep secrets?

  They’d picked up Chinese, and Bracken grabbed plates and opened all the containers while she watched.

  “Sit.” He pointed toward the table. “You have to be starving.”

  He had to be also. After all, though she doubted he’d slept all day just because she had, he hadn’t eaten either. He definitely hadn’t left her. Not for a moment.

  “Thank you,” she murmured as she picked up a plate.

  He grabbed the other plate.

  She reached out for his hand and squeezed it, looking up at him until he met her gaze. “For everything. Thank you.”

  He wrapped his arm around her and hauled her to his side, kissing the top of her head. “You’re welcome.” After another quick squeeze, he released her.

  They ate without much discussion. Bex was grateful to have left her condo with him. It kept her from having to explain herself to Shayla who surely had about a thousand questions. Instead, the two of them had slipped out the door without saying much. Bex had even brought a bag.

  She smiled as she recalled him suggesting that she bring a few things. Maybe some things she could keep at his place. Just in case. Things like comfortable clothes she could lounge in after they went out sometimes. Makeup remover. A second bottle of her favorite shampoo.

  “What is making you smile?” he asked.

  She nodded at the bag they’d dropped in the kitchen. “Am I going to get my own drawer or something?” she joked.

  He returned the smile. “Do you want a drawer? If it makes you feel pressured, then you can leave your things in the bag.”

  She considered his suggestion. Did she feel pressured? No. Not at all. Not really. She had a mind of her own. If she didn’t want to stay here, she wouldn’t. She felt nervous, but that wasn’t the same as feeling pressured.

  Bracken never pressured her. Not in the least.

  After they cleared the table, loaded the dishwasher, and put the leftovers in the fridge, she joined him on the couch. She took a deep breath as she leaned into his side, setting her cheek on his shoulder. “I don’t feel pressured,” she told him, continuing their conversation. “I feel stressed though.”

  He nudged her to lie down next to him, setting her head in his lap. He stroked her cheeks as he looked down at her. “What has you stressed?”

  “I’m going to wake up gasping for air, Bracken. I do it often.”

  “And I’ll be there to remind you you’re okay.”

  “We haven’t had sex. Isn’t that kinda weird?”

  He shook his head. “Nope. Not weird if we don’t make it weird.”

  “Do you want to? Have sex I mean?” She held her breath. What a strange question to ask.

  He chuckled. “Baby, I’ve wanted to have sex with you from the moment I picked you up for our first date. It’s just how I’m wired. You’re sexy and I’m into you. So, yes. But I’m not an animal. I can control myself. And I want you to be absolutely certain before we take that step. Meanwhile, I want you to sleep better, and I like having you near me. I’ll sleep better myself if you’re in my bed so I don’t have to wonder if you’re awake at your condo pacing all night.”

  “What if I’m awake at your house pacing all night?”

  “Then I’ll be tired the next day and we’ll sleep in.”

  “You have an answer for everything.”

  He chuckled again. “Not everything, but these are easy things to fix.”

  She stared at him for a long time. No one had ever made her this comfortable. Not even her parents. She wanted to be here with him. She wanted to sleep in his bed. She also wanted to have sex with him. Soon. There was little doubt he would hold her at arm’s length today because the air was still so raw between them, but soon.

  She licked her lips and spoke again. “I really appreciate everything you’re doing, and I like you. A lot. More than a lot. And I assume you like me too or you wouldn’t put up with my idiosyncrasies, but it makes me nervous because I’m worried you think at some point I’ll talk about my past and lay it all out there.”

  He cleared his throat, seeming to choose his response carefully. “I can’t lie. I do hope you’ll trust me enough someday to confide in me. But it’s not a deal-breaker. I do wish you would talk to your counselor though. If you don’t feel comfortable with the one you’re seeing or you’re worried about the fact that she’s responsible for when you go back to work, then let’s find another one.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about it. I had counseling years ago, Bracken. I just want to forget. And I was doing so well for a long time until…”

  He slid his hand to the back of her neck and played with her hair. “I get that something from that day three weeks ago triggered you. It makes sense. You’re not alone. People can be triggered for many years, even for the rest of their lives. Maybe the counselor you had before wasn’t right. Or maybe you need a refresher. I can’t say for sure, but I don’t want to see you hurting, baby.”

  She looked away, turning her face so that she didn’t have to gaze at his intense stare. He understood so well without knowing anything. But she still had no interest in talking about it. Not again. Not ever. She didn’t even like to think about it.

  “It’s not something you have to decide today, Rebekah. Or tomorrow. Just think about it. We can find a different counselor. One who specializes in PTSD. One who isn’t affiliated with the airline and doesn’t have the ability to sideline you.”

  She jerked her gaze back to his. “Dealing with some past trauma is the least of my concerns right now. I’m going to lose my job, and I don’t have the foggiest idea what I’m going to do next. I don’t even care what my current counselor knows or doesn’t know. I don’t care if she releases me in three weeks or not. It doesn’t matter. I can’t go back.” She stiffened, turning onto her side so that she faced away from him and could pull her knees up.

  He stroked her hair. “Okay, let’s assume that’s true. It’s not the end of the world. It’s just a job. You can get another one. Or take some time off. You love baking. Why don’t you consider something in that field?”

  She flinched. Baking? The thought of creating desserts all day was an amazing pipe dream. It wouldn’t pay the bills though. Was she supposed to work at a donut shop in the middle of the night or something?

  “For now, why don’t you spend some time baking every day. It makes you happy. You’ve been baking for the last few weeks already. Keep doing that. We can look into some local bakeries and see if they would be interested in selling what you make.”

  She twisted her neck to look at him. Was he serious? That sounded farfetched.

  “Your scones were amazing.
You said they were your grandmother’s recipe. So obviously they aren’t plagiarized. You could see if a local coffee shop would be interested in selling them.”

  Maybe.

  It was worth thinking about.

  “How about we have a nice soak in the hot tub? It will relax you, and then maybe you can try sleeping again.”

  The thought of relaxing in his hot tub was very inviting. The thought of sleeping with him made her nervous.

  He eased her to standing and then headed to the kitchen to grab her bag. After leading her down the hallway to his bedroom, he set her bag on the floor at the foot of the bed.

  “I don’t have a bathing suit or anything,” she murmured, kicking herself for not thinking of that since she knew he had a hot tub.

  He shrugged. “Leave your bra and panties on if you want, or I can lend you a T-shirt. Or wear a tank top. Or don’t wear anything at all and sit across from me if it makes you more comfortable. I usually go naked in my hot tub.”

  She chewed on her bottom lip and considered his options. She wasn’t a prude. There was no reason to wear something in his hot tub. She could go naked. He’d seen most of her and touched the rest. “Naked is fine.”

  He headed into the master bathroom and returned holding two towels. After handing her one, he pointed toward the bathroom. “Go change. You can meet me outside. I’ll get the cover off and get in.”

  She nodded and then spun around to use his bathroom. It was absurd for her to feel nervous. Once again. Mostly because she’d already decided she would have sex with him. She’d decided so several times. He’d had his mouth on her breasts the other night. Part of her wanted him to see the rest of her too.

  She took a deep breath, stripped out of her clothes, piled them neatly on the counter, and then wrapped the towel around her. It was large enough to completely cover her.

  After padding back through his house and stepping outside, she found him already in the hot tub. Steam was coming off the water, and she nearly groaned at the luxury.