Choosing Kellen (Surrender Book 4) Read online

  I know it’s time. Part of me is ready. Part of me is scared to let myself feel again.

  None of me is interested in training a submissive, especially one who isn’t specifically a little. And certainly not one who isn’t willing to admit she’s even submissive or interested in the fetish community.

  “I know you, and I wouldn’t be suggesting you consider Sabine if I didn’t think she had tendencies that run that direction.”

  I lift a brow. “What makes you say that?”

  “Because she’s befriended Lucy. The two of them have spent quite a bit of time together. Sabine says it’s because she’s curious about the lifestyle. Intrigued. Nothing more.”

  Lucy is Master Roman’s little. She is the poster child for littles. The gold standard many of us in the lifestyle strive to attain. I shift my gaze toward Sabine, visualizing her in the role. I swallow as I glance back at Julius. “Being inquisitive does not make someone a little.”

  Julius nods. “I agree. And believe me, none of us have mentioned her attentiveness to that aspect of the lifestyle. We don’t want to spook her or insinuate anything. Nor would we want her to tamp down whatever is growing inside her by making her think she’s drawing attention to herself.”

  I cock my head to one side, narrowing my gaze. “Julius, that’s a stretch. Besides, even if you determined she was totally leaning in that direction, I’m not the one to train her.” The idea makes me feel tired. I shift my attention back to Sabine anyway. There’s no denying she makes my cock stiff.

  Maybe Julius is right. Maybe I should take on Sabine. In a way, she’s the perfect rebound submissive. Can someone be a rebound sub after three years? Probably not. But it feels that way to me.

  Sabine is not my type. I’m clear on that issue. I may be attracted to her for a dozen reasons, but that doesn’t mean I would want her around full-time. Besides, she’s not staying in Seattle. She’s here for the summer.

  All the more reason… I stare at her as I warm slightly to the idea. She might be able to help me put myself back out there. She would certainly be a challenge. Scratch an itch. In the long run, we would surely clash. Even if she does end up deciding she’s a little, she wouldn’t be my type. Nothing about her strikes me as meek or obedient.

  I could do it though. I could spend some time with her. Help her learn the aspects of my type of fetish and then release her to the world. There are worse things in life than spending a few weeks with a gorgeous woman who intrigues me.

  I can’t take my eyes off her. When she tucks her hair behind her ear, I smile. It won’t stay. Her auburn curls bounce right back. If she were mine, I would gather all that fantastic, unruly hair into pigtails or braids.

  I shudder and jerk my attention back to Julius. He’s grinning at me. I roll my eyes. I’m not ready to commit to anything. It would be better not to give Julius any hope. “Not gonna happen, Jules.” I walk away.

  No matter how adamant I’ve been with Julius, inside I’m intrigued by the idea. It unnerves me that he’s planted such a suggestion in my head. Sure, I’ve watched Sabine move around. Lots of people watch her. She’s adorable.

  I nearly groan at the thought. When did I shift from gorgeous to adorable?

  It’s late. I make my way back to the front reception area. I can hear the rain outside. It sounds like it must be pouring.

  “You might want to wait a few minutes,” Cindy, the receptionist says. “It’ll let up soon.” She holds up her phone, indicating the weather radar.

  “Thanks.”

  A man I’ve seen only a few times is standing at Cindy’s desk filling out a form. He turns to me and smiles, holding out a hand. “Hudson Newell.”

  I shake his hand. “I’ve seen you a few times.”

  He nods. “I just moved to Seattle recently. Been visiting Surrender.” He holds up the form in his hand. “Cindy’s getting me set up to finally join.”

  I glance at Cindy. She’s chewing on her bottom lip and unnecessarily straightening a pile of papers on the counter. She’s always had a touch of OCD, but Master Hudson is making her nervous. Interesting. I’ve never seen Cindy inside the club. As far as I know she simply works here at the front desk.

  I turn my attention back to Hudson. “Surrender’s a great club. I’m sure you’ll love it here.”

  Cindy lifts up her phone again. “Look at that. It’s already clearing up.”

  She’s right. Rain is no longer pelting the side of the building with the same ferocity. “I’m off then. See you later.” I wave as I shove through the door and exit the club.

  It’s not until I’m in my SUV that I close my eyes and take a deep breath, hoping to cleanse myself of any thought of Sabine submitting to me. Instead, I’m bombarded with images of her. She’s energetic and outgoing, strong and determined. I know she has a master’s degree in English literature. That took hard work.

  Have I known women like her to be submissive before? Yes. Littles though? I’m not sure. What I can ascertain is that she would be spunky and headstrong. Challenging. Would she be a brat?

  I shudder. I’m not the least bit interested in brats.

  And what the hell am I thinking anyway? I’m not taking on a newbie little under any circumstances, no matter how damn cute she is.

  Chapter 2

  Sabine

  “Do you want to play Monopoly with me?” Lucy’s eyes are wide as she asks me this important question.

  I glance around. We’re in her kitchen having lunch. Grilled cheese and chicken noodle soup. It’s one of her favorite meals. Her cook, Evelyn, has been bustling around doting on us, but she’s left the room. I can’t remember the last time I had grilled cheese. Probably when my own cook prepared it for me when I still lived at home. Even though I’ve lived on my own for two years, I still can’t cook. Nor do I care. Takeout and delivery are my best dishes. Our complete inability to prepare even a simple meal is what originally drew me and Abby to become friends.

  “Master Roman bought it for me last weekend, but I had to earn the right to play it.” She sits up straighter. “Today he said I could have it to play with you as long as I pick up all the pieces when we’re done and put them back in the box. He’ll spank my bottom if he steps on one of those tiny metal pieces.”

  Her excitement is infectious. I can’t help but smile, and the thought of playing a childhood game I haven’t seen in years is appealing. “Sure.”

  She picks up her glass of milk and downs most of it in one long drink, her expression awkward. It takes me a moment to realize she’s holding her breath.

  “Blah.” She makes a scrunched-up face and shivers. “Gross.”

  “You don’t like milk?”

  “Nope. Hate it.” She takes a bite of her sandwich and chews it quickly before swallowing it. “Daddy says I have to drink it because it’s good for me, so I endure it, but I don’t like it.”

  I nod. The dynamic she has with Master Roman is beyond fascinating. I notice that she alternates between referring to him by his name with his title and calling him Daddy.

  My heart is racing. This entire afternoon is going to be surreal. I’m not going to pull Lucy out of her little space, though. I agreed to this odd experiment, and I intend to stick with it. Immersing myself in Lucy’s lifestyle is the best form of research.

  In the past month, I’ve learned a lot from Abby and her Doms and the various other members of their community whom I’ve met either at the club or at Abby’s house, but I’ve found myself most intrigued by Lucy.

  The first time I met Lucy was at Abby’s house. She came over for dinner with Master Roman, and it was nearly impossible not to stare at her. Besides the fact that she behaved like a young girl, she also dressed like one. She arrived in a dress suitable for someone about ten years old. It barely covered her butt, and I caught a glimpse of her underwear several times. I’m fairly certain they were pink with some sort of print on them.

  After she left, I asked Abby a hundred questions about Lucy. I’m not completely
ignorant about the fetish community, but knowing there are actual people who live as littles, and meeting such a person, are two different things.

  I’ve since learned that Lucy has been with Master Roman for five years. They’re married. She has a business degree and works a regular job as a grown adult. When she comes home, she changes clothes and spends the rest of her time as Master Roman’s little.

  I’ve also come to realize that Lucy’s age hops a bit. Some days she’s younger than others. Apparently, Master Roman makes this decision for her. In fact, he makes all her decisions for her.

  I have visited Lucy in her home three times now. In every instance, Master Roman has permitted her to meet with me alone in the library. My curiosity concerning her lifestyle has grown. Granted, I also really like Lucy. We’re becoming friends. But I can’t deny I have a strange fascination with her lifestyle choice that borders on an obsession.

  When I’m alone at night, I’ve started fantasizing about what it would be like to live in Lucy’s shoes. I’ve masturbated a dozen times to a mental image of living as someone’s little girl. I find myself hot and bothered when I watch her with Master Roman. The way he takes care of her. Dotes on her. Adores her.

  I can’t quite imagine putting my fantasy into actual practice, but the more time I’m with her, the more aroused I get. I’d be concerned about my mental health if it weren’t for the fact that I’ve stepped into a universe where it’s perfectly acceptable to live as a little with a Daddy.

  Today, we’re doing something different. Master Roman suggested it and spoke to Abby’s three Doms, and here I am. I’ve arrived to experience Lucy’s real world. She’s in her little space today, not wavering.

  And apparently, we’re going to play Monopoly.

  I’m starting to understand the fascination. Lucy doesn’t have to worry about anything. Not a single thing. Master Roman is very strict with her. Overprotective, I would say. No matter what age she’s in, she seems to abide by a similar set of rules. Many are for her safety as if she were a young child.

  It’s odd, to say the least, but I’m intrigued. I love how carefree Lucy is. She leaves the real world at the door every day when she gets home from work. It’s like she blocks it out. Her only concern is obeying, and when she doesn’t, she’s disciplined. I haven’t witnessed this firsthand yet, nor do I find it likely that she often does anything to warrant punishment, but according to Abby, it does happen.

  We finish our lunch, and Lucy jumps down from her chair. “Let’s take our plates to the sink, and then we can go to my playroom.”

  I follow her, carrying my dishes behind her and depositing them carefully in the bottom of the sink. Lucy has to lift up on her tiptoes. I’m only five-two, but I’m a few inches taller than her.

  “I like your dress,” I tell her as I follow her out of the kitchen into a dark wood hallway.

  “Thank you.” She twirls around, making it flare out. It’s a pale green with small puffy sleeves and smocking across the front. I’m pretty sure she isn’t wearing a bra, nor does she really need one. The dress is short, and I definitely catch a glimpse of white underwear. She also has on white socks that are folded down with a ruffle at the ankle. Black Mary Janes round out the outfit.

  Her hair is long. I imagine it would reach almost to her butt if it were pulled straight. It’s even curlier than mine, so I can’t be positive how long it would be, but every time I’ve seen her it was either in two braids or pigtails. Today it’s in braids.

  I follow Lucy silently down the hallway. Until today, I’ve only been to the library at the front of the mansion. I’m not sure where she’s leading me, but I’m surprised when we enter an open door into a large office. I’m also shocked to find not only Master Roman but another man inside.

  They both stand.

  Master Roman motions us farther into the room. He’s beaming at Lucy and holding out an arm toward her. A spark of jealousy attacks me. She’s so lucky to have found someone who looks at her like she hangs the moon.

  As Lucy skips to the other side of his desk, I glance at the other man and recognize him from Surrender. He’s in the lifestyle. I wouldn’t forget him. He’s about six feet tall and broad. Dark hair cut short. Tanned skin. Bulging muscles as if he works out all the time. He’s wearing faded jeans and a white button-down shirt that accentuates his tan. I imagine him to be in his late thirties.

  He smiles at me and holds out a hand. “Kellen Townsend.”

  I take his hand, not surprised by how firm his handshake is. “Sabine Bridges.”

  “I’ve seen you at Surrender. You’re a friend of Abby’s.”

  “Yes.” I swallow, wondering if it would be appropriate for me to address him as Sir and just as quickly ditching that idea since I have yet to decide where I fit into this new world I’m dabbling in. I’ve repeatedly insisted I’m just researching so I can write about my experiences, but I’ve also dipped my toe in both the dominant and submissive side of the community.

  The truth is that watching makes me itch to try out new things. Any good research would include some experimenting. My curiosity has been piqued by the entire fetish community for years, but more so in the last two years since Abby moved to Seattle to live with three Doms.

  “I watched you working with Claudia last weekend.” Is it my imagination or is he smirking?

  I nod, feeling a flush creep up my cheeks, also knowing I can’t hide it. My skin is so pale that my cheeks are frequently rosy. The only color on my body is the dabbling of freckles across my nose and trickled all over me. The fact that anyone can easily tell when I’m embarrassed has always infuriated me, but I can’t do a thing about it.

  “You were struggling,” he points out, not beating around the bush.

  “Yeah.” I sigh. “I’m new to the community. Trying everything out for my research. I don’t think I passed any sort of flogger exam.”

  He lifted his brows. “Probably because you were on the wrong end of the flogger.”

  I suck in a breath. He’s damn observant. “Maybe.” I glance down but then decide to defend myself so he doesn’t think I’m submissive. Maybe I am. Maybe I’m not. But I haven’t decided yet, so I don’t want him to assume. “I don’t have the personality for submission. I’m headstrong and self-sufficient.”

  Kellen chuckles.

  Master Roman does too, and I glance over to find he has tucked Lucy against his chest and is idly playing with one of her braids. “I’m quite certain that between all the Doms living in the house where you’re staying, you’ve been told more than once that submission has nothing to do with how you are in the outside world.”

  I stand as tall as I can as I respond. “Yeah. They’ve explained that to me. Can’t say I’m fully grasping it. Seems far-fetched. I’ve worked my butt off to get through school with a master’s in English. I’m a pretty dominant personality in any crowd.”

  Kellen surprises me when he reaches out and tucks an unruly lock of my hair behind my ear before dropping his hand to his side. “Maybe in any crowd except the fetish crowd,” he suggests.

  I shrug. “Maybe.” I’m reeling a bit from his touch. It was soothing. I tip my gaze back to meet his, acknowledging that I should not be attracted to this man. He is much older than me for one thing. I feel about as young as Lucy looks. I have no idea what he does for a living, but I haven’t even started a career yet at all. I’m still trying to convince my twenty-four-year-old self that I’m an adult.

  Sure, I finished school with honors and should be looking for a job in my field, but the truth is, I’m spoiled and my parents have never pressured me to get a job. Honestly, I could live a comfortable life off my trust fund alone if I were so inclined, but I don’t want to be completely idle, either. It sounds boring. I need a challenge.

  On the flip side, settling into “real life” gives me goosebumps. I’ve been avoiding the idea. Half the reason I continued my education was to avoid adulthood. In the last few years, I’ve settled down a bit. I’m not
as mischievous or precocious as I used to be, but inside I’m still the same girl with wildly naughty thoughts.

  “We were just about to play Monopoly,” Lucy announces, bouncing a bit against Master Roman.

  He smiles down at her indulgently and slides his hand down her back to pat her butt. “Sounds fun. Go ahead. I’ll be in here meeting with Kellen for a while longer, so try not to be too loud, okay?” He lifts a brow.

  She nods. “Yes, Sir.”

  Master Roman bends down to kiss her forehead and then pats her ass again as she steps away.

  “Come on.” She motions toward a door in the corner of the room. “My playroom is in here.”

  I’m confused and a little surprised. She has a playroom attached to Master Roman’s office?

  I follow her through the door, wondering if we should shut it to avoid bothering the men, but she doesn’t mention it, so I leave it alone.

  The room is interesting. Along the outside wall, which is really a row of enormous floor-to-ceiling windows that look out into the amazing backyard, sits a normal adult desk. If someone were sitting at it, they would be able to see Master Roman at his desk through the doorway.

  That side of the room is professional. To the left, as we enter, I notice an entire corner is set up for a child. That’s where Lucy heads. There’s a white bookshelf against the far wall. In front of it are a fluffy, pink beanbag chair and an oval rug in pastels. The shelves are covered with books and toys.

  Lucy slides the game from the shelf and plops down onto the floor on the rug. “Come on,” she encourages.

  I close the gap between us, still soaking in her environment. Fascinating. When I reach her, I lower to the floor, crossing my legs in front of me. It’s not as easy in my jeans as it would be if I were wearing nothing but a short dress. Lucy doesn’t even attempt to tuck it under her butt. She’s sitting on her underwear.