Refuge Page 3

  They were here now. Safe. In an environment that maintained female autonomy. She had choices in this bunker. She could enter into any relationship she wanted. Or two. Or three. Or ten if she wanted. She could also leave if it wasn’t working out.

  No one would ever force her to bear children if she didn’t want to. No one would force her to carry a pregnancy to term if she chose not to also. In fact, Julie had started Ariel on birth control shots as soon as Ariel had arrived. She hadn’t been emotionally ready to have sex with anyone yet, but in the event she might have been taken at any point by militants, she wouldn’t want anyone among them to be able to impregnate her either.

  Birth control was power in her world. Autonomy over her own body was important. It went a long way toward giving her the confidence to know that there were still people in the world who believed in basic human rights for all.

  Including women.

  Ariel rolled onto her side, closed her eyes, and took several cleansing breaths. She knew her days living with the Schamas and sleeping by herself were numbered. The path to whatever her new life was going to look like wasn’t going to be an easy one, but she was strong. She could face whatever was coming her way.

  She suspected Tarin and Kester would figure heavily in her future. The question was whether or not Stuart would join them. He’d been the first man she’d met aside from her sister’s prospective family unit when she’d arrived. She’d swooned over his easy smile when he’d glanced at her in the rearview mirror when he’d picked her up to bring her to the compound.

  She’d never forget that connection, albeit brief. It had been there. She knew she hadn’t dreamed it. Stuart Duggan had looked her in the eye and sparks had flown before he’d shut himself down and gone into grumpy mode.

  It remained to be seen if she could penetrate his thick walls, but one thing was for sure, she had to try. She could see pain in his eyes, and she suspected there was a story behind that pain that would bring her to her knees. He’d closed himself off from the world, and that included her.

  Stu could dig his heels in all he wanted, but he had a formidable opponent, and she was coming for him.

  Chapter 3

  When Tarin opened the door to his apartment early the following morning, he was surprised to find Kester standing in the hallway. The man had his fingertips in his jeans pockets and a look of chagrin on his face.

  Rather than invite Kester inside, Tarin came out into the hallway and shut the door. He lived with his mother and two younger brothers. He had a strong suspicion that whatever Kester had come to discuss with him would be private, and there was virtually no privacy to be had in such small quarters.

  Kester didn’t say a word about the lack of invitation. He understood. “Sorry to bother you. Can we talk somewhere?”

  “Of course.” He pointed over his shoulder toward the door to his apartment. “Too many people here. Your place? Or…?” Tarin shouldn’t have been shocked. He’d seen this coming for weeks. This conversation was going to be about Ariel. It was overdue. Tarin had seen Kester with Ariel several times. He was certain the opposite was also true. He’d considered hunting down Kester himself but hadn’t wanted to risk facing off with Stuart, so he’d been dragging his feet.

  Kester cringed. “My place is worse than yours today.”

  Tarin nodded. “Understood. I doubt anyone is in the lab yet this morning. It’s early. Let’s head there.”

  “Sounds good. Do you need to grab some breakfast?”

  “Nah. I’ll go back out in a few hours and get coffee and a protein bar.” Tarin led the way down the hallway until they emerged into the communal space where they took another hallway toward the agriculture department. A few minutes later, they stepped into the gratefully quiet lab and Tarin shut the door.

  Eventually, Jeremy would arrive. He was their boss for all intents and purposes. Layla, Ariel’s sister, would too. And their fourth coworker, Sadie. But they had some time.

  Tarin inhaled slowly. “I’m aware you had dinner with Ariel last night. I assume that’s what you want to discuss.” He leaned against the edge of his desk, cupping the surface at his sides with his hands so tightly his knuckles were white.

  Anything was possible. Kester could be here to tell Tarin to back the fuck off because he’d decided to pursue Ariel and didn’t want the competition. Tarin had to hope that wasn’t the case because he’d been talking to Ariel for over two months himself. He thought the two of them had a connection. He felt confident it was reciprocal.

  He prayed he wasn’t about to regret the fact that he’d never asked her for more. Hadn’t even touched her except in passing. If being a total gentleman was about to bite him in the ass because he’d taken too long to let her know how he felt, he was going to be furious with himself.

  “Yes.” Kester leaned against the counter across from Tarin, leaving several feet between them. “And I’m aware you’ve also been courting her, so to speak.”

  Tarin nodded, his lips pursed. Kester had come to him. He would let the man speak his mind.

  Kester ran a hand over his head, though his dark hair was too short to run his fingers through it. Tarin rarely saw him nervous. Kester was more confident and suave than Tarin any day of the week, which was why he’d ended up being the one to initiate this confrontation.

  Kester licked his lips. “I took her back to my place last night. It was the first time we’ve been alone.”

  Tarin tensed but hoped it wasn’t noticeable.

  “Granted, it didn’t last long because Stuart came home, but that’s another story. The important thing is that Ariel and I spoke at great length. I asked her about you, and she admitted she has feelings for you too.”

  A long exhale escaped Tarin’s lungs. His heart was racing. He grimaced. “I should have spoken to her myself. I’ve been trying to give her space.”

  Kester nodded. “I know. And I’m sure she appreciates it. I told her I would speak to you myself. I explained that she shouldn’t hold all the burden for whatever might develop between us. All of us. I don’t want that weight on her.”

  Tarin gave a nod. “I agree. Thank you for coming to me. I appreciate it. You didn’t have to do this. It means a lot to me.”

  “So, I assume you aren’t opposed to possibly coming up with an arrangement that doesn’t leave anyone out?”

  Tarin swallowed. “And I assume when you say ‘all of us’ and ‘anyone’ you’re including Stuart.”

  Kester winced. “Yeah.”

  “Have you spoken to him? What happened when he came home last night?”

  Kester groaned, making Tarin glad he hadn’t been in the room for that confrontation. “It wasn’t pretty. He was furious. He walked in at the exact moment that I kissed her.”

  Tarin pursed his lips, drawing in a slow breath. He had not kissed her yet, or even come close. A twinge of unwelcome jealousy seeped in.

  Kester held his gaze. “Don’t panic. It was seriously brief. Like, Stuart’s timing was impeccable.”

  Tarin nodded. Still. He wasn’t mad at Kester, or anyone for that matter. Someone had to kiss her first. If Tarin had been on the ball, maybe it could have been him.

  “I didn’t bring her to my apartment to make out with her. I swear. My main motivation was to find out if she was even interested in being alone with me. I wanted some privacy to discuss the obvious. She and I, but also you, and reluctantly Stuart.”

  “It’s okay. You don’t owe me an explanation.”

  “That’s the thing, though, Tarin. I do. From now on I will always owe you an explanation. We all will. The only way we can make this work is if we keep the lines of communication open between each other. Otherwise, we fail ourselves and Ariel.”

  Tarin agreed. “And how the hell do we deal with Stuart?” He shuddered, not looking forward to it. He and Stuart had a history that wasn’t pretty. Tarin wasn’t looking forward to even speaking to Stuart, let alone trying to share a woman with the man.

  “I was hoping
you had some answers. After all, it’s obvious that the two of you have some sort of unresolved history. If you can’t work that shit out, we’re doomed from the start.”

  Tarin ran a hand over his head. “I agree.” Fuck. Just fuck. He couldn’t imagine how he and Stu were ever going to manage to see eye to eye about much of anything.

  Kester was right. Tarin and Stu had history that went back five years to the time when Stuart first joined The Wanderers and moved into the compound. Not just the compound. It had been Tarin’s mother who sponsored Stuart, so he’d moved in with them for a few months. Right up until he’d stabbed Tarin in the back and walked away. Tarin had chosen to steer clear of Stuart ever since. For five years.

  What Tarin hadn’t expected was for a woman to show up and come between them. That was the very last thing he’d expected, in fact. So farfetched and so far down the list that Tarin was still shocked even though he’d been aware of their quiet rivalry from the moment Ariel had arrived three months ago.

  Tarin sighed. “I’ll talk to him.”

  Kester lifted a brow. “Yeah?”

  Tarin nodded. “We have to clear the air. We have no choice. If the council finds out we’re arguing over a woman, they won’t hesitate to kick us out.” He wasn’t exaggerating. Rivalry about women was beyond forbidden. Ariel had a right to make her own decisions, but no man had the right to try to sway her.

  It would be easier if Ariel didn’t return Stuart’s affection, but everyone knew she did. She had from the moment she’d met him. Two seconds before he’d decided to give her the cold shoulder as if her age were a factor.

  Ariel’s age wasn’t the problem. No one knew that better than Tarin. No one but Stu. Regardless of the bone Tarin had to pick with Stuart, he knew things about Stuart’s past that no one else was aware of.

  There was only one reason Tarin would put aside his animosity toward the man who’d once been his best friend for a few brief months—Ariel. For her, he would try to make amends. For her, he would do anything. He really liked her. Not just because there were few women around to choose from, but because she was kind and sweet and fun and smart. She was the entire package. And she seemed to enjoy being with him even though he was slightly awkward and nervous around her.

  Jesus, though. Of all the men in the universe I might end up having to share a woman with, why Stuart? Was Stuart even capable of sharing? Tarin was half surprised Stuart hadn’t just snagged Ariel for himself that first day and gone into hiding to avoid sharing her.

  The passage of time had only raised more questions for Tarin. Mainly because Stuart had not hooked up with a woman in years as far as Tarin knew.

  Tarin inhaled slowly. It was going to be difficult to convince Stuart to see reason and recognize his attraction for Ariel. Tarin didn’t know if he could succeed, but he had to try. If he failed, there was a solid chance one or more of them could be excommunicated.

  There were rules among The Wanderers. Number one among them: women had autonomy over their bodies and decisions. Any squabbling or fighting over them was strictly forbidden.

  The door opened behind Kester and he spun around at the same time Tarin turned his gaze that way to find Layla arriving.

  Layla hesitated halfway through the door. “Sorry. Am I interrupting?”

  Tarin shook his head. “No. We were done. Come on in.” He shoved off the desk, his gaze returning to Kester. He hoped to communicate that he understood his task and would handle it.

  Layla rounded to her desk but continued standing, tapping the corner with her fingertips as her gaze moved back and forth between the men. “I ran into my sister in the cafeteria a few minutes ago.”

  Tarin winced inwardly.

  “I don’t mean to pry, but I hope this little meeting you two just had addressed some concerns.”

  Tarin nodded. “It did.” He didn’t want to involve Layla any more than necessary. Even though Ariel was her sister, Ariel was an adult who could make her own choices. Layla clearly adored her sister and would take down anyone who crossed her.

  Layla furrowed her brow. She undoubtedly wished she could ask about a thousand questions, but it wasn’t her place and she knew it. She pursed her lips and then released them. “I probably shouldn’t get involved, but you should know, she took this morning off to go talk to Stuart. Maybe stay away from the apartment this morning.” She turned her gaze toward Kester.

  Kester nodded. “Thank you.”

  “I don’t know what crawled up Stu’s ass and decided to stay, but if he doesn’t dislodge it and get himself straightened out, shit is not going to be pretty.”

  She was intuitive, and she was right. No one responded.

  She sighed and stepped around her desk. “Okay, well, good luck.” She lifted her gaze and looked them both in the eye again. “I know I’ve been part of the problem where Ariel is concerned. I’ve been worried that she’s too young, and I don’t want her to make rash decisions. But I get that she’s older than her years, forced to grow up more than anyone should in the past few months. We both have. I never should have suggested she didn’t know her mind. I see that I was wrong. Hopefully, Stu can see it too. If not…” She shuddered.

  No one wanted to consider what would happen if Stu continued down his current stubborn path. Least of all Tarin.

  Chapter 4

  Hands trembling, Ariel took a deep breath as she finally lifted one of them to knock on Stuart’s door. She’d been standing in the hallway for ten minutes trying to build up the courage to face him.

  The truth was she had no options. She had to confront him, and it needed to be today. Even if the man was too stubborn to face her, she still had to force him.

  Ariel was young and inexperienced in so many ways, but she was no coward. If it were simple, if it were possible, she would walk away from Stu and never give a shit what happened to him. But it wasn’t that simple. Life wasn’t.

  Stu had been the first man she’d been attracted to in this new world. After spending more than a day in the presence of all of Layla’s partners, she knew the difference between liking a guy as a friend and wanting more from him.

  The moment she’d made eye contact with Stu in the rearview mirror of the van he’d driven to pick up the newest members of The Wanderers, she’d known. Her heart had beaten faster and her hands had grown clammy. She’d wiped them on her thighs several times, unable to stop the physical reaction to being introduced to someone she had a connection with.

  He’d felt it too. She’d seen it in his eyes. A heartbeat and then another before he shook himself free of the connection and looked away. His face had conveyed his interest one moment and switched to frustrated and closed off the next. All because of her age.

  Ariel had been humiliated. She’d forced herself not to cry, not to let anyone in the van see her reaction to his brushoff. He’d treated her like a child, someone who couldn’t possibly know their own mind.

  And the worst part? He’d continued to do so for the last three months.

  She’d learned a lot of four-letter words since she’d arrived, and she wished she could tell him to fuck off, but that wasn’t very mature, and proving her maturity was paramount.

  She had to confront him. There was no other option. To ignore him and enter into a serious relationship with one or more other people would be cowardly. She had to be the bigger person even if he refused. At least she could say she’d tried. The rest was on him.

  Ariel wasn’t willing to waste another day keeping Tarin and Kester at arm’s length while she waited for Stuart to decide he cared. It was time to choose.

  Now or never.

  She flinched when the door swung open, half forgetting she’d knocked.

  Deep frown marks cut across his forehead, and he hesitated a moment, but then he took a step back and waved her into the apartment.

  She lifted her other hand to hold up a cloth bag and a cup holder. “I brought breakfast,” she pointed out though the gesture suddenly felt like overkill.


  He stared at her a moment as he shut the door, closing them inside alone, and then he took the drinks from her hand and nodded toward the table. “That wasn’t necessary.”

  She forced herself not to groan or start yelling at him. The objective here was to prove she was an adult. Having a tantrum wouldn’t help her case.

  He set the steaming cups of coffee on the table and then took the reusable bag from her. “But thank you,” he murmured as if it were an afterthought that perhaps he could find a way to be kind.

  He pulled out a chair for her next. Shocking. He’d never extended any sort of courtesy to her before. Their entire relationship consisted of nothing more than a series of grunts from him in response to whatever she said.

  After pushing her chair in, he hesitated at her back and then set both hands on her shoulders and gave a slow squeeze. For a heartbeat, he didn’t move, and she didn’t dare breathe or flinch either.

  Stu had never touched her. Not intentionally anyway. He finally rounded the table and sat across from her, setting his elbows on the metal surface and threading his fingers in front of him. He ignored the coffee and the food.

  She licked her lips and pointed at the bag. “Muffins. They had cinnamon ones today. And I know you take your coffee black.”

  He narrowed his gaze and inhaled slowly. If he’d heard her, he gave no indication. He didn’t glance at her offerings. “I owe you an apology,” he finally stated.

  She sucked in a breath. This was unexpected. It was also true. She wasn’t going to argue his point.

  “I’m sorry. I’ve treated you unfairly from the moment we met. It was rude and uncalled for, and I’ll stop. You should move on with your life. I won’t get in the way. I promise.”

  She gasped. Unexpected just went up ten notches. Was he telling her he didn’t want to have anything to do with her? “Look, I know you think I’m too young to know my mind. You’ve made that clear, but—”