Refuge Page 4

  He shook his head and cut her off. “No. That was a lie. I never thought that. I just said it to piss you off and make you not like me.”

  She gasped again, eyes wide. “Why?”

  “Because I could see in your eyes that you felt something for me that I can’t return. I’ll never be able to be what you deserve. I thought if I was a dick, you’d walk away and never give me another glance.”

  She narrowed her gaze. “Let’s say for the sake of argument you’re telling the truth; why work so hard to keep other people from speaking to me either? You’ve been a dick to both Kester and Tarin. You’ve been like the gatekeeper, Stu. Irrationally warding off anyone who dares come near me.”

  He ran a hand over his head, threading his fingers in his hair and tugging on it. “Also a dick move. I’ll stop.”

  She blinked at him. “That’s it? You’ll stop? Case closed?”

  “Yep.” He finally reached for the coffee and took a sip. “Thanks for the coffee. I haven’t had a chance to make it to the cafeteria yet today.” He opened the muffins next and inhaled deeply. “Cinnamon is my favorite.”

  Ariel reached up and yanked the bag out of his hand, setting it aside. “No.”

  “No, what?” He widened his gaze as if shocked.

  “No, I won’t accept your weird apology and move on.”

  “Why the hell not?”

  She gripped her coffee so tight it was a wonder the cup didn’t break. “Because you’re lying and hiding something and you won’t be the only one who gets hurt when you decide to see reason. At least three other people will too. So, my answer is no. I won’t drop it and move on and ignore you.”

  “You don’t have a choice,” he stated, casually taking another sip of his coffee as if he were unaffected by this conversation.

  “Oh, yes I do. I have plenty of choices. And my decision is that everyone will wait for you to catch up.” She leaned back and crossed her arms, finally releasing the coffee. Spine straight, chin held high.

  He flinched and lifted a brow. “That’s insane, Ariel.”

  She shrugged. “No more insane than you pretending you don’t have a stake in this game. Hiding in your room or taking on more hours and rarely returning to the compound so you don’t have to face me or anyone else.”

  He groaned and dropped his face, shoulders slumping.

  Good. She wanted to fist pump. Now was a good time to keep pushing. “I know you don’t like Tarin for some reason, but don’t even try to convince me he’s the reason you won’t talk to me. You liked me and started holding me at arm’s length before I even met Tarin.”

  She opened the bag of muffins as if they weren’t having the most important discussion of her life. She couldn’t taste the huge bite she took, but she felt like she’d won a great battle with her actions. She even pushed the other one toward him, swallowed, and said, “Muffin?”

  He lifted his gaze to stare at her. “Ariel…” he warned.

  She pointed at him. “That. That tone. Stop using it. Like you’re warning me of some impending punishment you’re going to dole out if I don’t cow to your wishes.” She took another bite, chewed, swallowed. Still no taste buds, unless sand was a flavor.

  “Grrr. You’re an exasperating woman.”

  She grinned. “At least you’re admitting I’m a woman. I call that a win.” Another bite. More chewing. More swallowing sand.

  Stu picked at the corner of his muffin but didn’t pick it up.

  He shook his head. “There’s no winning here, babe. None. Move on. Set up an arrangement with Kester and Tarin and whoever else you want. Do you need this apartment? I can move out. I’ll find somewhere else to bunk so I won’t be in the way. You and Tarin can move in here with Kester.”

  She shrugged. “Not necessary. If you truly don’t care who I have sex with then it won’t bother you to listen to me fucking in the other room.” She was damn proud of her spine.

  He winced. “Don’t do that.”

  “Do what?” She lifted a brow.

  “Cuss. You learned the word fuck like three months ago, probably from me. It sounds awkward coming from your pretty mouth. Don’t use it.”

  “Fuck? You don’t want me to say fuck around you? Or you don’t want me to fuck around you? I’m confused.”

  He growled. “You’re not confused, babe. You’re antagonizing me. And it’s not going to work.”

  “Mmm.” Twice he’d called her babe. She felt like the sun was shining on her. He could continue to deny her all he wanted, but she intended to wear him down. She meant what she’d said about not sleeping with the other guys. She wasn’t leaving Stu behind. They would all wait for him.

  He groaned again, rolling his eyes.

  She tapped her lips with her fingers. “I wonder if I’ll be loud when I fuck. I hear some women are loud. Others hold it all inside and don’t make much noise. Granted, it’s probably harder to remain quiet when more than one man is servicing a woman at the same time.”

  She crossed her arms and squeezed her breasts together. Unlike her sister, she’d started wearing a bra in the last few months. Bras weren’t a luxury the two of them had ever had living off the grid. Their mother wore them, but it would’ve been difficult to get their hands on anything that fit properly, and besides, neither of them had very large breasts, so it wasn’t a big deal.

  Nevertheless, the addition of bras to her wardrobe had given her confidence to wear tighter shirts and more revealing clothing. She wasn’t a fan of everyone seeing her nipples, so the new lingerie was a game-changer.

  Stuart’s gaze wandered down to her chest when she crossed her arms, and then he jerked it back up front and center. “You’re not going to listen to a word I say, are you?”

  “Probably not. Not while you insist on being irrational and lying to both of us. It’s possible I might be inclined to listen to your orders if you made them in the bedroom or naked in the shower, but I guess we’ll never know, huh?”

  “Ariel,” he snapped. She could see his patience was coming to an end.

  She finished her sand muffin and wiped the crumbs from her lips. Rising from her chair, she set her hands on the table and leaned closer to him. “I have to get to work. I’ll meet up with Tarin and Kester this evening and let them know everything is on hold while we wait for you to get your head out of your ass. I’m guessing you’ll probably get a visit from the two of them when they find out you’ve decided to cock-block them. But I’ll let you explain your infinite wisdom to them.”

  He jumped up from his seat so fast that it fell over backward, the metal frame striking the concrete floor with a resounding bang.

  She ignored his stance and turned toward the door. “See ya later.”

  The moment her hand landed on the doorknob, Stu’s palm flattened on the door, keeping her from opening it. “Where the hell did you learn a term like cock-block?”

  That was the part he wanted to take issue with? Really? He was exasperating.

  “Something from the early Two-Thousands called the urban dictionary. It’s fascinating. You should check it out if you haven’t already.” She continued to face the door, hand on the knob, not glancing at him.

  “I’m super familiar with the urban dictionary, and stop reading it.”

  “Is that an order, Master?”

  His hands came to her hips, and he spun her around and flattened her to the door so fast that she lost her breath. Finally, they were getting somewhere. Her methods were unseemly and unorthodox, but as long as she got some sort of emotional rise out of him, she would call it a win.

  “Don’t call me that. I suppose you’ve learned that word in the fucking urban dictionary too, huh?”

  “Maybe?” She was breathless now that he was inches away from her, his hands on her hips. She licked her dry lips and cleared her throat. “Doesn’t the shoe fit?”

  He shook his head. “No.”

  She lifted a brow. “Really? Seems like it. Let’s see… Master. A person who has general a
uthority over others. But that’s from the regular dictionary. I think in the urban one, it’s more like: a dominant male in a BDSM relationship, usually in the bedroom. I learned what BDSM stands for too. It’s—”

  His hand slammed over her mouth, cutting her off. “Don’t say another word. That’s enough.”

  Ariel lifted her brows as if she’d proven her point, which she felt confident she had.

  Stu was breathing heavily, his chest rising and falling. He continued to clasp her mouth shut. After taking several deep breaths, he leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes.

  She’d never been this close to him. It was a huge improvement over their previous contact when he’d squeezed her shoulders from behind. She could smell his personal scent. He’d recently showered. His soap mixed with the coffee he’d sipped and his pheromones.

  “You need to leave,” he murmured. “Before I do something I’ll regret.”

  She shook her head against the door in defiance as he released her mouth. “I don’t think I’d make a very good submissive,” she whispered. “I can’t seem to follow orders.”

  He gritted his teeth. “Will you leave if I promise to talk to Kester and Tarin?”

  She smiled. “Will you?”

  He nodded. “Yes. If it will get you out of my apartment right now, I will.”

  “I’m not sure how to take that, but I’ll accept. You’ll talk to them?”

  “Yes. I said I would.”

  “Tonight?” she pushed.

  He groaned. “Tonight.”

  She threw her arms around him and hugged him. “Thank you.” After releasing him just as quickly, she fled the room.

  She didn’t fully breathe until the door slammed shut behind her, leaving her panting in the hallway. She probably shouldn’t have hugged him. It had left her feeling his loss now. Even that brief contact was enough to tease her with the promise of what it would be like to be in his arms. His body heat lingered against her chest and forearms. She wanted more.

  When she was finally able to convince her legs to take orders from her brain, she turned and headed down the hallway toward her workplace at the clothing exchange.

  She was both nervous and excited. With any luck, Kester and Tarin could get through to Stu. She wasn’t certain she’d had any influence over him. The man was well and truly stubborn.

  Chapter 5

  Ariel opted to also leave work early that day. Throughout the day, it had begun to bother her that she was deep in negotiations with two men and she had yet to have a single frank discussion with Tarin. She knew Kes had spoken to him, but she had not had a one-on-one with Tarin, and it weighed on her. Too many assumptions.

  She headed for the agriculture department first, hoping to catch him before he left. The only person there was Sadie, however. She informed Ariel that Tarin had gone home early.

  Ariel thanked Sadie, spun around, and headed for Tarin’s apartment. It wouldn’t be ideal speaking to him there since he lived with his mother and brothers, but it was urgent, so it would have to do.

  Tarin’s mother, Ava Gelman, opened the door with a warm smile. “Hey, Ariel. Come in. Come in.” She stepped back to allow Ariel to enter.

  Ariel rubbed her hands together. “I’m sorry to come by unannounced. Is Tarin here?” She glanced at his two brothers who were sitting on the couch playing some kind of video game.

  Orlan and Lyon gave her a quick glance. “Hi, Ariel,” they stated in unison before turning back to look at the screen.

  Ariel didn’t know Tarin’s family well, but she did know their names and at least had spoken to them in passing. A few hundred people were living in this particular bunker, but not enough to avoid meeting all of them eventually.

  “Tarin’s in his room. Go on in.” Ava pointed at one of the bedroom doors.

  Ariel took a deep breath as she crossed to the door and then knocked.

  “Come in.”

  She opened it and leaned inside, feeling decidedly awkward about stepping into his personal space. He was standing across the room with his back to her, sorting through clothes on hangers as if looking for something specific.

  When he looked over his shoulder, he froze. “Ariel.” He spun around. “Hey,” he muttered, flustered. He rushed across the room, took her hand, pulled her the rest of the way inside, and shut the door without glancing out at anyone in his family.

  “You don’t have to do that,” she muttered, feeling uncomfortable with having the door closed. Not because she didn’t want to be alone with Tarin. She didn’t mind that a bit. But she felt awkward about what his mother would think.

  He ignored her and tugged her over to his bed. “Sit.”

  She lowered onto the edge of the mattress, noticing his room was impeccable. Everything was in its place. The bed was made. His desk was organized. No clothes spilled out of his dresser or closet.

  Like the man himself. Kester and Stuart both worked outside the compound most of the time. They often wore camouflage and combat boots. In contrast, Tarin worked in the agriculture lab. He usually dressed nicely in khakis and dress shirts. His dark red hair was always stylishly cut, his face shaved. She liked his style a lot. Kind of nerdy like the owner.

  “Can I get you anything?”

  “Sure. I have no idea what alcohol tastes like because I’ve never had it, but after the day I’ve had, I could use a shot of tequila or gin or rum or whatever I hear was popular before everyone went into hiding and stopped frequenting bars.” She smiled.

  He chuckled. “Well, I don’t have any of those specific drinks, but we can probably drum up some moonshine at some point. Don’t have any in the apartment, but I’m sure Stu or Kester can score some out in the world.”

  Excellent segue. “Speaking of Stu and Kester…”

  He inhaled deeply. “Yeah. I spoke to Kester this morning. Can I apologize? I feel bad that Kester had to come to me before I faced you. I should have manned up and had the courage to talk to you myself about my feelings.”

  She shrugged and then reached out a hand, hoping he would take hers in his. “It’s okay. I was equally guilty for not confronting you.”

  Luckily, he didn’t leave her hanging. He threaded their fingers together and sat alongside her.

  She glanced at the door. “Are you sure this is okay? Your mom…”

  “It’s fine, love.” He tucked a loose lock of her pale blond hair behind her ear. “My mom understands.”

  Ariel smiled. It was heartwarming that each man had a term of endearment for her. Apparently, Tarin was going with love. Stu had claimed babe. Kester had called her honey.

  Tarin cleared his throat. “I didn’t want you to feel pressured. I was trying to play it cool, making sure you knew I was interested without pressuring you in any way. I might have taken things a bit too slow.”

  She shook her head. “You didn’t. It was nice getting to know you. No one has pressured me. Not at all. Least of all Stuart,” she joked.

  “I heard you spoke to him this morning?”

  She rolled her eyes. “I did.”

  He winced. “I guess it didn’t go well?”

  She shrugged. “No idea. He’s stubborn. I think I held my own though. I felt proud of myself when I left. I will never look back and think I didn’t do my best to make him see reason.”

  “That’s all you can do. The rest is on him.”

  “I hate that you and Kester feel like you have to talk to him too. Am I being unreasonable? If I were smart, I would take his word for it that he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me, leave him alone, and go on with my life.”

  Tarin shook his head. “No. You’re right. It would weigh on all of our consciences if we didn’t try to get him to see reason. I think you’re an amazing woman. Not many women would give Stuart the time of day after the way he’s treated you since you got here.”

  “I was very sassy with him, pushed his buttons. I’ve never acted like that before.” She giggled. “It was kind of refreshing. But t
he important thing I need to tell you is that I told Stu that if he insisted on digging his heels in and pretending he doesn’t like me, he’s holding up progress because I won’t pursue anyone without him also on board.”

  Tarin’s eyes widened in shock.

  Ariel bit her lip. It sounded kind of ridiculous now that she repeated it. “I might have gone too far, huh?”

  He shook his head and squeezed her hand. “No. I think you did great. I’m just impressed is all. Light a fire under him.”

  She swallowed. “I have to assume you two have history, and it’s obvious you never resolved whatever issues you had in the past. You have to rectify that shit, Tarin. You have to do it for me, for yourself, for Stu, for the good of all of us.”

  He nodded, his expression solemn. “I’ll do my best, love. It’s mostly on me. I’ll talk to him and bury the hatchet.” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles.

  “Thank you,” she murmured on a long exhale before leaning her head against his shoulder. “Seriously, this business of trying to forge a relationship with three men is exhausting.”

  He chuckled. “We didn’t make it any easier. I’m sorry about that. As soon as I knew how I felt about you, I should have come to you. I also should’ve spoken to Kester and Stuart. It shouldn’t be on your shoulders. I don’t want you to worry about it anymore, okay? We’ll deal with what needs to be done.” He lifted her chin so he could meet her gaze.

  She smiled.

  His eyebrows drew close together. “So, does this mean I made the cut?” he joked.

  She giggled again and then lifted her face to his and grabbed onto some of today’s newly emboldened Ariel, kissing him on the lips.

  He was shocked and didn’t return the kiss for a heartbeat, but then he held on to her chin and kissed her back for real, angling his head to one side to make it easier.

  She moaned softly into his mouth, her body responding to his touch. When she reached up and cupped his face in her hand, he slid his other hand into her hair, kissing her deeper, the urgency growing.

  Flutters took up residence in her stomach, making her desire for him grow with each passing second. She dismissed the fleeting thought that someone would bust into the room at any moment. Her luck hadn’t been stellar in the kissing department. But no one interrupted them and, before she was ready, Tarin released her lips.