Tarnished Read online

  She directed him toward an outdoor sandwich shop, and they ordered at the window. She let him pay, though she had to grit her teeth to do so. She didn’t want to owe him anything. His look inferred there would be a scene right here in public if she argued.

  The man had a subtle way of demanding compliance at every turn.

  They picked a table in the sun, and Drake stared at her while she methodically opened her sub. She lifted her gaze. “What?”

  “Are you going to talk to me? You act as though you’re being coerced into something you don’t want, like you’d rather be having a tooth extracted.”

  “Aren’t I?”

  “I don’t see it that way.” He leaned toward her.

  She held her knees still to keep from shaking them up and down in nervousness.

  “Kenzie, I’m not trying to pressure you. Have I made you uncomfortable at any point?”

  “Nope.”

  “You left off the ‘not yet’ part.” He shook his head. “You’re going to make me work for this, aren’t you?”

  “Hell yes. And I intend for you to give it your best shot, so that in the end you will know for certain it wasn’t going to work out.”

  His jaw dropped open.

  She took a bite and licked the mayonnaise from her lower lip.

  He glanced away and inhaled. “Is that the only reason you agreed to go with me?” He didn’t touch his sandwich. It sat in the wrapper on the table. His hands gripped the wooden table top as he tried to control his emotions, unsuccessfully. She watched his cheeks pinken with frustration—his jaw tight and rigid.

  Score one for me.

  “Yep.” She took another bite, trying to appear unaffected by him. That was the goal. Too bad she could hardly swallow. Her mouth was so dry she couldn’t chew the bite or even taste it. She was lying through her teeth. Her knees bobbed up and down of their own accord to prove it to her. She wanted to kiss him so bad she had to breathe through her mouth just to avoid his scent.

  Drake closed his eyes and sat back. A muscle twitched in his neck. His tight T-shirt stretched across his shoulders as they rose and fell.

  She was already proving her point. Men could not control themselves. They were all selfish bastards with only one thing on their minds.

  “Kenzie,” he murmured as he lowered his gaze to her. “You are so misguided.”

  “And you are so condescending.” When would she stop pestering him, taunting him? When he decided she wasn’t worth it and left her. That was the goal.

  “Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me you have no feelings for me at all? Your heart doesn’t race when you’re near me? Your palms aren’t sweaty? Your mind isn’t scrambled? You aren’t the least bit curious about what it might feel like for me to hold you in my arms and kiss you senseless?” He lowered his voice as he spoke so no one around could hear him.

  She swallowed her bite and took a gulp of soda. He was right, of course. And that was the clincher. The one point making her so nervous she almost doubted her resolve. Everything he’d said was indisputable. And part of her hated him for his accuracy. The part that wasn’t consumed with wishing he would put the last part into action and get it over with so she could breathe.

  Her hesitation was too long.

  “I didn’t think so,” he whispered. He reached across the table and took her hands in his. He squeezed gently, reassuring her. “I hope one day soon you will trust me enough to share what happened to you that made you so distrustful. I know there was an event. Something more than the unwanted kiss from the last gathering. No one is this skittish without reason. I’m here for you, and I want you to confide in me. I know you don’t feel comfortable enough yet to trust me, but I will work hard to earn that trust—every day. Please give me the chance to prove myself. If you keep throwing daggers at every opportunity, you will get your self-fulfilling prophesy. I don’t want that for either of us. It will be painful, and we will both end up lonely.

  “I won’t give up on you. Not without a lot of effort on your part. I won’t push you. I won’t cheat on you. I won’t disrespect you. I’m an all-around nice guy.” He gave a wry grin.

  When he released her, they ate their meal in silence. She needed to clear her head. Would she ever be able to accomplish that task? She tasted nothing. When they finished, they balled up their wrappers and tossed them in the trash.

  Instead of aiming for the truck, Drake took her hand and led her down the sidewalk. He didn’t speak. He simply guided her leisurely along, seemingly deep in thought when she dared glance at him.

  His hand felt … right, warm with just the perfect amount of pressure.

  “What do you like to do in your free time?” he asked finally.

  “Read mostly. Or hang out with friends.” Except all my friends are really Darrell’s friends. She’d probably not see them again.

  She’d been living a lie, spending time with a man she didn’t love, obviously for a good reason. She’d dated him for months. Held his hand many times. It wasn’t as warm or as perfect as Drake’s hand, but she’d not known the difference. All she’d been concerned with was that he didn’t push her to go farther. Now she knew why.

  He didn’t comment on her extension of the truth.

  “What do you do?”

  He glanced down at her, a bit stunned.

  She smiled. “I’m not a total bitch. I do care.”

  “Hmm. I don’t leave the ranch often. I’m busy, and I love my work. I do a lot with my family. There are four of us kids. We drive my mom crazy. Too much testosterone. She’s going to be overjoyed to meet you, by the way. Let me apologize in advance. The woman has lived with only men for almost three decades. I’m not sure she can contain herself.”

  “How old are you?” She realized she’d never asked.

  “Twenty-eight.”

  Wow. He was quite older than her.

  “It’s only five years.” He smirked. “You think I’m wiser?”

  “Not even close.” She squeezed his hand. It felt right, again. And she sobered. She was supposed to dislike this man. Why was he so damn nice?

  By the time they returned to the truck, it was late afternoon. “Do you think we can sneak in and out of the gathering without seeing anyone?” She didn’t want to face her family. Let them find out at home.

  “We don’t even have to leave the truck. I’ll text my brothers and tell them to be ready when we pull up.” He glanced at his watch. “It’s four o’clock now. Even if we take our time and stop for dinner, we should be home by ten.”

  Twenty minutes later, they pulled into the parking lot.

  Nerves made her jittery. She’d not met these three brothers yet. Hell, she’d not met his parents, either. What would they be like? How was she going to ride five hours in a truck with four men?

  It turned out one of them was a boy. When they all climbed into the back and introduced themselves, she learned that Jerrod was just eleven years old. He was cute and full of life. She adored him immediately. The other two, Scott and Daniel, were smirking at Drake. She didn’t have to ask why. No one complained about the unexpected new passenger seating. The sharp look from Drake when they’d gotten in the back seat had probably done the trick.

  Still, Kenzie was nervous. She wrung her hands forever until Drake grabbed one and held it between them. She calmed unexpectedly at his touch and tried to concentrate on the banter between the men and the boy. They were obviously close. They teased and taunted each other mercilessly, but all in good humor. Just as Drake treated her. It must be a family style.

  After they stopped to get gas and grab something to eat, she grew tired and slept leaning against the door most of the rest of the drive. She hadn’t slept last night, and the stress of the day’s events overwhelmed her.

  •

  “Kenzie.” Drake squeezed his mate’s leg under the jacket she’d covered up with. She was dead to the world. When she finally opened one eye, he smiled. Everyone had jumped out of the car at the ma
in house, and she’d not even flinched. He’d decided to spare her the parental introductions until tomorrow. It was almost ten, and she was so peaceful. He didn’t want to upset her any more than necessary tonight.

  His parents knew she was with them, but they hadn’t balked when he’d spoken to them on the phone. Tomorrow was soon enough.

  “Where are we?”

  “My place. Come on.” He took her arm and pulled her toward him.

  She glanced at the back seat. “Wow. I must have been dead. I never heard anyone get out.”

  “Yeah, they were quiet. I threatened them.”

  “How far away is it?” She squinted her eyes, but he knew she couldn’t see much in the dark. Only a porch light he always left on burned in the vicinity.

  “It’s about half a mile. Not far. I walk it often. You’ll meet my parents tomorrow.” He stepped down from the cab as she scooted in his direction. She didn’t even protest when he grabbed her by the waist and lowered her to the ground.

  He wanted to hold her and never let her go as her body skimmed down his. She sucked in a breath. Good. He affected her. He had moments of doubt about that. It pained him to step back.

  “Wait. I’m staying here? With you? Alone?”

  “Of course…” He let that last word drag out. Not of course. He couldn’t see her face well in this light. “Kenzie, the idea is to get to know one another. Believe me, you don’t want to spend the week with my three brothers and my meddling mother.”

  “I guess.” She didn’t seem convinced as she shuffled one sandaled toe on the gravel.

  He grabbed both their bags from the bed of the truck and led her toward the front. “Come on. I can’t promise perfection inside. I wasn’t expecting to bring someone home with me.”

  “You weren’t? Wasn’t that the goal?” She stood behind him when he set the suitcases down on the porch and reached into his pocket for his keys.

  “Not for me. I gave that up two years ago. The bachelor life was my destiny. I’d accepted it.” He opened the door and swung his arm out to let her pass first.

  “What happened two years ago to solidify that decision?” She ducked under his arm to enter the dark house.

  He followed her inside and dropped the bags, kicking the door shut behind him. “I saw you leave that hall with another wolf. That’s what happened.”

  She gasped. “You were that certain from that far away?”

  “I was.” It was true. He’d known it even then. She couldn’t have, because that Marcus dude was smothering her. He’d nearly dragged her from the room. Drake flinched when he recalled her brief description of that evening.

  He reached for the light switch and prayed he’d not left the place too disastrous.

  Breathing a sigh of relief, he grabbed their bags and nodded toward the hall. “This way.”

  God. She’s in my home. The woman of his dreams was actually standing in his space. He couldn’t have her yet, but it was so nice just to know she would be nearby, smell her essence, share coffee with her in the morning. If she drinks coffee…

  His parents knew not to expect him bright and early tomorrow. He could spend some time showing her around the ranch … or just sitting inside the house with her.

  He shook his head to clear it. Don’t get ahead of yourself. She has consented to nothing.

  He pushed open the first door, backing through it. “The master bedroom.” He dropped his bag and flipped on another light. Good. Not too messy.

  She stayed outside the room, barely glancing in. Her entire body was rigid, her arms crossed over her chest in her telltale sign of stress.

  He stepped back into the hall and crossed to the other room. “Guest room. I’ll drop your stuff in here. There’s a bathroom in the hall.” He pointed. “And another attached to the master.”

  She could have her own space if she needed it.

  “Can I get you anything? A drink maybe?”

  “No. I’m good. Just tired. Mind if I sleep?” She lifted her shoulders and held them high, not making eye contact with him.

  He hated whoever had made her skittish with a passion. She was a vibrant beautiful woman with so much to offer. If he ever found out who’d done this damage, he’d personally kick his ass. “Of course. Rest. I’ll just be across the hall. Yell if you need anything. Okay?”

  “Sure,” she muttered.

  He stepped out fast. What he really wanted to do was wrap her in his arms and chase her fears away, but that wasn’t going to happen. At least not tonight. Maybe if he spent the entire day with her tomorrow, she’d lighten up. Especially when she saw the surprise he had for her. He couldn’t wait to see her face. And when his mom found out what her specialty was, she was going to flip out. Guaranteed. What they needed on this ranch more than anything in the world was a fulltime employee with just the education Kenzie had. He’d never force her to do anything she didn’t want to do, but he had a suspicion this was right up her alley.

  He smiled as he entered his room. He didn’t shut the door. He hurried through his routine, brushing his teeth and taking a quick cold shower, as if that would lessen the permanent hard-on. Even if he jerked off, he knew his cock would not settle down. And no way would he risk masturbating with her across the hall. He couldn’t trust himself to stay quiet.

  He pulled on his favorite comfortable cotton shorts and climbed into bed. Sleep would not be easy. He could smell her now. Her scent was filling his home. He both loved that fact and feared what would happen if she really did flee the ranch, never to return.

  Kenzie took longer than him. He listened as she gathered her things and padded to the bathroom. Water ran. The toilet flushed. He groaned. He was falling hard for her. An ache that grew worse by the minute. His mate was here. He had to pinch himself to remind him it was real.

  He tried to relax, flipping his pillow over again and again to get comfortable.

  Kenzie shut the door to the guest room, and soon after she turned off the light.

  My woman is sleeping across the hall. I’m so fucked.

  This wasn’t how mating usually went. He knew that. He wasn’t stupid. Mates met and fucked themselves silly with all haste. It was unheard of to postpone the inevitable and nearly impossible, as his dick would attest to right now. No amount of squirming would appease the fellow.

  Nope. Mates knew their fate immediately and often met at the exact gathering he’d just attended with full knowledge and intention of doing just that. Mating. So, it was little surprise that pairs of wolves often left the gathering together and started new lives without missing a beat.

  No one pulled this stunt—one night of restless sleep in a hotel followed by a night alone in the same house pretending it was all good that she wasn’t ready. How the hell was she even functioning? If he stepped quietly into the hall, would he be able to hear her masturbating? Did women have some ability to do so quietly and not alert others to their ecstasy?

  He wouldn’t know, but he’d sure like to watch and find out.

  Ugh. Deep breath. He gripped his cock with one hand and squeezed his eyes shut. He had to stop this line of thinking if he expected to live through the night.

  Minutes ticked by. He was glad he didn’t have a grandfather clock that would pace the seconds, or he’d go mad.

  A noise jerked him alert. He sat up and a silhouette filled the door. Only the faint light from the window made her visible. “You okay?”

  She shifted in the doorframe. “No,” she muttered. “And I’m not happy about it, either.”

  He smiled. He didn’t mean to make light of her situation, but he was so damn glad he wasn’t alone. She did care. He had to remind himself of that often since she insisted repeatedly to the contrary.

  “Do you think I could get a small taste of that kiss you mentioned earlier?” She paused, and he held his breath. “If you don’t think it’s a good idea, I’ll understand. I’m not trying to be a bitch. Really, I’m not. I can’t offer more right now. I just … need you to hold me.
You were right. My heart does race. My hands are sweaty. My brain is scrambled. And I want to be no other place than in your arms with your mouth on mine right now.”

  She’d remembered every word. He swallowed. “Anything, babe. Anything you want. I made a promise to you. I won’t break that promise. You can trust me.”

  She hesitated.

  “Come here.” He held out a hand, and she stepped toward him.

  When she reached the bed, he flipped the blanket back, grasped her hand, and pulled her to sit.

  “I’m sorry. I’m … broken. This is too weird for me. I’m torn and stressed and angry and frustrated and a bitch. Please be patient with me.”

  “Of course.” He tugged her hand. “Lie down. I’ll hold you. Maybe you can sleep.” I know I won’t, but I don’t give a fuck what happens to me as long as you’re peaceful.

  She settled in his arms, one he’d tucked under her head, and one he wrapped over her as he pulled the covers over her shivering form. He grazed her shoulder, soothing her with his fingers. He conjured up all the strength he had to remain still and calm. It was the greatest feat of his life.

  She was stiff but still shaking. “I’m sorry. This is a bad idea.”

  “You’re fine. Stop apologizing. Kenzie, you’re my mate. I’d do anything for you. Know that. I will not hurt you. Have I said that enough? I’ll keep telling you until you believe it in your heart and in your soul. Relax. This is going to be whatever you need it to be and nothing more.”

  She struggled, bless her. And he held her shivering form as she continued to twitch with nervous energy. He could smell her arousal. She wore a T-shirt and soft shorts—the same sort of thing he’d seen her wearing this morning when he’d arrived at her door. Had that been just this morning?

  She turned her face to him slowly. “Will you kiss me?”