Reviving Bianca Read online

  Cindy sighed, bringing Bianca back to the present. “I still can’t believe how young he is. That’s the weirdest part. I’m fifty and my brother remained thirty-five.” She tipped her head toward Bianca. “Even weirder is that you’re only twenty-seven, younger than both my kids.”

  Bianca laughed. “Yeah, I can see how that would feel odd.”

  “In many ways, you seem older than them. Probably because you’re a scientist. Grayson was born old.” Cindy giggled.

  “I guess I was born old too.” Or forced to grow up too young.

  For a few minutes Cindy said nothing, and then she turned sideways and leaned her face against her palm. “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”

  Bianca nearly choked. Heat crawled up her face as she sucked in a breath. “Of course not,” she finally managed without looking Cindy’s direction.

  Cindy chuckled. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s obvious he’s in love with you too. It’s refreshing to watch you two. And I’m so happy for my brother that he found someone.” She said all this as if Bianca hadn’t spoken.

  She continued. “I’ve always thought he was an amazing guy. I looked up to him even though I was older. He was so damn smart from the moment he was born. Much smarter than me. And he made way better choices.

  “But I worried about him. I wondered how he would ever find a woman who would be good enough for him. His standards were very high.”

  Bianca slowly turned her face toward Cindy. “We’re, uh, not a couple.”

  Cindy stared at her, brows furrowed, thoughtful. “I’m confused. You two act like you’ve been together for years. You finish each other’s sentences. You know my brother better than any of us ever have. You make him smile. Hell, you make him talk. He dotes on you like you hang the moon.”

  Bianca swallowed, licking her lips.

  Cindy kept talking. “You follow him around with your eyes like no one else is in the house. I’ve seen you holding hands on many occasions. He never misses an opportunity to touch you. No one alive would believe you’re not together. Do you think my parents wouldn’t approve or something?”

  “Um…”

  Cindy stood straighter, gripping the fence with one hand. “You’re sharing a bedroom. Why would you say you’re not a couple? I’m so perplexed.”

  Yeah, of course everyone would think that. But Cindy was the first person to call them out. “We understand each other. We went through the same crazy trauma. It made us close. We’re best friends.”

  Cindy narrowed her gaze. “Does my brother know that?”

  Bianca gave an uneasy chuckle. “Of course he does.”

  Her eyes were mere slits now. “Yeah, I’m not buying this story.”

  Bianca took a breath and continued to paint the pretty picture. “I know it’s weird, but I’m not lying to you. We’re not together like that.”

  “Uh-huh. And you expect me to believe neither of you is interested in taking your relationship further?”

  Bianca glanced down at her feet and dragged the toe of one tennis shoe through the dirt. “I’m not relationship material.”

  Cindy gasped. “I don’t even know what that means. How are you not relationship material?”

  Bianca shrugged. She wasn’t prepared to share her secrets with Grayson’s sister, but the woman was dragging information out of her like no one in her life ever had. In a way, it felt good to talk to someone who had the spine to force her not to back down.

  Cindy turned to face the pasture again, setting her elbows on the fence. “I was married once,” she began. “Did Grayson tell you that?”

  “Yes.” She wasn’t sure if Cindy would appreciate Bianca knowing some of her secrets, but she wasn’t going to lie either.

  Cindy glanced at her. “Did he tell you my husband abused me?”

  “Yes.” That one word, so soft and yet so potent. Since Cindy herself had fallen for a man who had abused her, surely she could see that Bianca didn’t have it in her to ever be that vulnerable with someone. Even Grayson. Heck, Cindy had obviously grown and learned from the experience. She hadn’t remarried. The only difference with Bianca was that she’d learned her lesson before ever getting married.

  Cindy smiled, which seemed odd for the seriousness of the moment. Then she rolled her eyes. “And yet, you two aren’t close enough to be a couple.” She let out a soft chuckle, and then she kept talking. “Anyway, if anyone isn’t relationship material, it’s me. Roy destroyed me. It took me years to rebuild enough self-esteem to even look at myself in the mirror and not see what he painted every day of my life.

  “He made me believe I was worthless and ugly. I’m not sure how the hell I ever had the guts to leave him, but it was the best thing I ever did. I’m certain I saved our lives, mine and the kids. Roy worked hard to get me to come back to him too. He stalked all three of us. Scared me to death. I had to get a restraining order. I still worry about him coming around after all these years.”

  Bianca shook her head. She hadn’t known that much, but she wasn’t surprised. A part of her worried every day of her life too.

  “I’ve never even dated another man. He was my first in every way. I’m a stronger woman now, but dating another man never appealed to me. I don’t trust easily.”

  Maybe I learned the same lesson.

  Cindy twisted to face Bianca again. “That’s my story. I’m definitely not relationship material. What’s yours?” she taunted.

  Bianca searched her new friend’s face and knew without a doubt the woman assumed she’d led a perfect life and had no reason for breaking her brother’s heart. Cindy stared at her, waiting, knowing Bianca couldn’t possibly have an excuse good enough to match the one Cindy gave.

  For the first time in her life, Bianca looked another human in the eye and decided to share a piece of herself. “I was abused too. That’s why your brother told me about you. It wasn’t a husband who abused me. It was my uncle. And it lasted for many more years than your marriage.

  “Even though sex wasn’t involved in my case, control was. So, I don’t trust men any more than you do. It’s ingrained in me. No man is ever going to wield that kind of control over me again in this lifetime. I can’t let him. Ever.” Shaking from the admission, Bianca was afraid she would burst into tears. The only thing she could do to protect herself from falling apart in the middle of the property was to turn around and jog back to the house.

  She needed to be alone. She needed to process.

  She needed to end this ridiculous game she was playing with Grayson.

  Because his sister was right. They did look like a couple. And Bianca realized she was becoming too reliant on Grayson. She was alone in the world, staying at his parents’ home. She had no money and no place to go. She didn’t like anyone having that much control over her. It always started like this and went downhill.

  In her head, she believed Grayson was a good guy. But she couldn’t trust him with her heart. She’d promised herself never to let anyone be able to use love against her again.

  Eventually, if she gave her heart to Grayson, she would always be waiting for him to let her down. That’s how men were. He didn’t deserve that and neither did she. Why had she put so much trust in him already?

  Grayson glanced up for the tenth time, expecting to see Bianca and Cindy still chatting next to the fence. He loved that the two of them had become friends. Bianca needed friends. It wasn’t healthy that she’d maintained a life devoid of relationships with other people.

  This time, instead of finding the two of them smiling and laughing, he saw Bianca racing back to the house and Cindy standing rigid in her spot with her mouth hanging open.

  Cindy’s gaze shot to Grayson. Even from the distance, he could see her eyes were wide. Her face was pale.

  Grayson handed the brush he was using on the horse to his father and ran hard across the corral to get to his sister. “What happened?”

  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize… I said some things. I didn’t know…”<
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  He grabbed the latch on the gate, opened it, and turned his attention toward the house, running to catch up with Bianca. He couldn’t be sure what Cindy was talking about, but he could guess.

  When he entered the back door, he found his mother in the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel. She looked worried. “What happened?”

  “I’ve got it,” he told her as he continued through the great room and then rushed down the stairs.

  Bianca was already in the bedroom. She hadn’t shut the door. He half expected her to be lying on the bed crying. He’d assumed she’d gotten emotional if she’d shared something about her past with Cindy.

  Instead, he found her stuffing her things into the cheap bag they’d used to carry their stuff when they left the safe house. Since then, they’d acquired several new things. Cindy had shopped for them in the neighboring town so they’d have a few more things to wear without having to do laundry every few days. Especially Bianca. She’d had so few articles of clothing.

  “Honey? What happened? What are you doing?” He stood in the doorway, not sure he should continue into the room. Her movements were jerky. She had a purpose. Where the hell did she think she was going?

  “This was a bad idea,” she stated without meeting his gaze. “We shouldn’t be sharing a room. It’s crazy. We’ve given everyone the false impression we’re a couple.” She turned her back to him and stared at the wall. “Hell, I’ve given you the wrong impression. I knew it all along. I don’t know what I was thinking. What sort of woman sleeps in the same bed with a man she had no intention of having sex with?” Her shoulders dropped, and she took deep breaths.

  He was certain she was about to lose her composure. Forcing himself not to rush up behind her, he walked quietly and calmly until he was at her back. And then he wrapped his arms around her middle from behind, coaxing her back until she was tight against him, and set his chin on her shoulder.

  She was stiff in his arms, and she didn’t lift her hands from her sides to return his touch.

  “Have I given you the impression for one moment that I want you to leave my bed?”

  Her breath hitched, but she didn’t speak.

  “I’m super clear about your walls. I’ve told you that. I’ve also mentioned I intend to break them down. It’s working too. At a snail’s pace, but it’s working. You’re far less introverted than you were when you first woke up. You’re coming out of your shell. You’re rejoining the living. You can’t let what other people think they see dictate what we have. Sure, it’s not exactly traditional, but it’s us. You shouldn’t care what my sister or anyone else thinks.”

  She interrupted him in a timid voice. “I’m leading you on. I haven’t made it clear enough that nothing else is going to happen between us. I’ve been greedy taking so much from you when I know I can’t reciprocate. I lean on you too much. I don’t want that. Eventually, you’ll want more from me. And I can’t give it to you.

  “I’ve seen the way you look at me. Cindy’s right. You don’t look at me like a friend. No one would buy that because it’s not true.”

  He hesitated for only a moment to pull his thoughts together. He needed to choose his words and actions carefully. His future depended on him playing his cards right. Today more than ever. “You’re right about one thing. I don’t look at you like a friend. I also don’t think of you as a friend. I’m not sure when I started considering you more than that, but it was soon after you woke up.

  “I have no idea if what I feel for you is healthy or not. I feel protective of you for one thing. I know you’ve had a difficult life, and I don’t want to contribute to that, nor do I want anyone else to. So I probably suffocate you with my presence. But I do so because I care. A lot.”

  “You shouldn’t,” she whispered.

  “We don’t get to choose who we care about. It just happens sometimes. And let me point out that you’re lying to yourself if you think you don’t return the gazes, the light touches, the smiles. You flush sometimes when you think I’m not looking.

  “You like me too. It gives me strength every day, knowing that no matter how hard you fight and protest, you’re falling for me too. Maybe it wasn’t on your list of things to accomplish in life, but it happened anyway. And damn, it feels good, doesn’t it?”

  She didn’t answer. He didn’t expect her to.

  He continued. “Your heart races when I step into a room. Your body molds to mine when I hold you. Your pulse relaxes when I hold your hand. That’s lust, honey. It happened whether you wanted it to or not.”

  “All the more reason to put an end to this, Gray. I can’t be what you want me to be.”

  “Did I ever indicate I wanted you to be someone you weren’t? Ever? For even a second?”

  She spun around abruptly in his arms and set her hands on his chest, pushing him away a few inches. “This relationship can never be normal. I’ll always be watching everything you do and wondering if you’re going to hurt me.”

  He loosened the grip he had on her waist. His heart pounded. Sadness seeped into him, burrowing deep. It pained him that she would think he could ever strike her. At the same time, he understood why she was concerned, and he would not walk away. Her thoughts were twisted, but they were based on her experiences, whatever those might have been.

  She kept talking, her voice rising. “It doesn’t matter if it’s irrational. I know it is. But it’s all I know. It’s what men do. Even your sister fell for it. Men are so sweet and kind and loving at first. They lure women in. And then, as soon as they get someone under their control, they take it all away. Usually with their fists or their belt or their palm or even their words. It’s too devastating. I won’t take that kind of risk. Not with anyone. Not even with you. I’ll never be able to fully trust a man, Grayson. Can’t you see that?”

  He reached up and cupped her face. He needed to remain calm while ensuring she heard him. “First of all, I get that you’ve been abused. I’ve known that from the beginning. And though you haven’t discussed it with me specifically, like I told you before, I have enough experience watching my sister go through it to understand the cycles of abuse.”

  She started to speak.

  He slid a thumb to her lips. “What you need to know is that not all men are abusers. We’re not. I would never lay a hand on you. I know that deep down you are aware of that. And, given the circumstances, I will always be cognizant of the fact that even raising my voice in any type of anger would be damaging to you. I get that.

  “Now, I’ve watched you fight your feelings for me, but you don’t hide them well. Anyone who sees us together can read how you feel about me in your expressions. I also watch your face change every time you let your doubts creep in, demanding you retreat. I understand. I see it every time. But I’m not going to give up without a fight.

  “I don’t know specifically what you and Cindy discussed, but based on your reaction, I can imagine it had something to do with your past. Something spooked you. I don’t know who abused you or how many people or when or what you witnessed or experienced, but I’m not him or them. And I’m not going anywhere. I’m a patient man. You’ll see. Whatever happened to you in your youth, I know you’ll tell me when you’re ready.”

  “Grayson…” One word. Spoken in her soft tone. It smoothed over his skin, giving him the courage to press her further. She was blinking at him, but she’d stopped fighting. She had not retreated. She was still in his arms, her cheeks flushed, eyes wide, lips parted, hands flattened on his chest.

  “In the meantime, I’d like to ask you a question, and I’m hopeful you’ll take a risk.”

  “Okay.”

  He lowered his gaze to her mouth, stroking her bottom lip with his thumb until she parted her lips. Her breaths grew shallow and close together. Her pupils dilated. Her face flushed. She also did not retreat. “May I kiss you?”

  Her breath hitched, and then she licked her lips. “Yes.”

  He lowered his face to hers, moving her to first base, a
step he’d been dying to take for weeks. Sure, he’d given her one simple peck before, but not a real kiss. Not like the one he intended to give her now.

  The moment his lips touched hers, he knew he’d made the right decision. Soft and gentle and so sweet.

  She melted into him and then tipped her head to one side in his hands. Her lips parted to let him slide his tongue along the seam and then tentatively dip it into her mouth.

  She made a small sound. Like a purr that came from deep inside.

  Oh yeah.

  He pressed his lips closer and eased his tongue in to dance with hers. He needed to be careful, use extreme care. She needed to know that she could stop him at any time. So, he kept his hands loose against her.

  Her hands slid down his chest to his waist. Her body leaned forward, perhaps without her realizing it.

  He was conscious of the fact that she was so damn small compared to him. He outweighed her by double. That alone could frighten her. Still cupping her cheek with one hand, he smoothed the other down her back, gently pressing her against his body.

  It was impossible to hide his erection, so he didn’t bother trying, but when she squirmed against him, he flattened his hand on her lower back to hold her steady. That was more than he could tolerate, and this make-out session wasn’t going any further than kissing today.

  He continued kissing her for several minutes, well aware of the fact that she was lost in the connection, so lost that her mind didn’t intervene and tell her to put the brakes on. Because he knew as soon as he released her lips, thousands of warnings would start firing in her brain and she would retreat. Which meant he needed to make this so good for her that she couldn’t ignore it or brush it off later. He didn’t intend for her to ever forget this kiss as long as she lived.

  Her mouth moved over his hungrily, as if she did this sort of thing every day and knew exactly what she was doing. Instinct kicked in. It was natural. But he doubted she would acknowledge that either.

  When he reached a point where he had to slow things down before he lost control, he finally eased back, finishing off by nibbling a path down to her neck and then around to her ear. She tipped her head back as he continued, moaning softly. Her hands were fisted in his T-shirt at his waist.