Choosing Kellen Read online

  “About what?”

  “About this sassy attitude you have tonight.”

  “It’s no different from any other time. It’s just me.”

  I shake my head. “It’s not you. It’s you being extremely frustrated with something I can’t fix until you tell me what it is.”

  “Maybe I’m just a brat.”

  “Nope. That’s not it. It’s more than that.”

  She chuckles. “Trust me. I was always a brat.”

  “I don’t think so. I think you were a lonely girl who wanted attention, and the only way you knew how to get it was to get into trouble.”

  She lowers her gaze.

  “And stop addressing me so disrespectfully. You know better.”

  “Yes, Sir.” Her voice is weaker, sorrowful.

  “I think you spent your childhood trying to get your parents to see you and it never worked. Now you don’t know any different. You’re doing the same thing to me.” I’m having a moment of clarity, so I keep going since she isn’t denying anything. I think I’m onto something. Touching a nerve. “The difference is that you have my full attention. I’m right here. I have been since you arrived. Is it not enough for you?” My chest tightens.

  She shakes her head. “It’s enough, Sir. You’re a great Daddy.”

  I close my eyes and set my cheek against the top of her head. This is the first time she’s referred to me as a Daddy. Not hers. But she’s used the word, at least.

  Suddenly, she throws her arms around me and hugs me tight. “I’m sorry, Sir. I don’t know why I’m so naughty.”

  I rub her back and run my hand up into her hair. God, I love how she feels against me. She smells like baby shampoo. Precious. She’s so soft in my arms. I want to toss her onto my bed, yank this thin negligee off her, and fuck her into tomorrow.

  I won’t do that, but what I will do might help turn the tide between us. I slowly turn around and lay her on my bed before crawling over her body and hauling her farther into the center of the mattress.

  Her eyes are wide, and she breathes heavily.

  I push her nightie up her body, exposing her pussy and then her belly and then her tits. After lifting the thin material over her head, I press it into her palms. “Keep your arms here. Hold on to the nightie.”

  She nods, her face flushing.

  “Spread your legs for me, baby girl.” I crawl down her body and then kneel between her spread thighs. She’s so fucking gorgeous. It’s been a long time since anyone brought my cock to such a state as Sabine does every day.

  When I dance my fingers over her nipples, she whimpers and lifts her knees, digging her heels into the bed. I circle her swollen buds at the same time, making her arch her back, lifting her chest.

  I love how she responds to me. There’s no way she isn’t interested in me. That’s not it. I may not have a clue why she’s holding back and acting out, but it’s not because she isn’t attracted to me.

  Pleased by her reaction, I ease my fingers down to her belly and tease the dip of her belly button. As I sit back on my heels, I spread my palms on her inner thighs and open them wider, pressing them into the mattress.

  She moans when I use my thumbs to part her labia. She’s shaking. She’s also holding her nightie in a death grip.

  I love how wet she is for me, and I stroke her lower lips up and down with just enough pressure to tease her and not enough to give her any satisfaction.

  It’s been five days since I’ve had the pleasure of watching her come. I can’t go another night without seeing that glorious sight. It’s against my policy, but I’m going to break my word tonight and rock her world. It’s selfish of me, because my intent is to remind her how fucking good it feels to orgasm for me.

  I flatten my body between her legs, slide my arms under her knees, and cup her breasts as my mouth descends.

  She gasps before I’ve had a single taste.

  I pinch her nipples as she squirms. “Lie still, little one. I’m going to eat this sweet pussy, but only if you can keep from wiggling around.”

  She’s panting now. “Sir…” Her voice is desperate. Pleading. Begging. All in one word.

  I squeeze her breasts and lower my face, sucking her pussy into my open mouth without pretense. No soft kisses or licks or flicks of my tongue. I go straight for suckling her clit and as much of her pussy as I can at once.

  Sabine cries out, her body jerking.

  I thumb her nipples and suck again, dragging my tongue through her folds and over her clit.

  “Jesus… Oh my God,” she yells.

  I press my shoulders into her thighs and pinch her nipples again as she writhes beneath me. The only reason she’s remotely still is because I’m holding her down. But what did I really expect?

  This woman is on fire. Any doubt I had about her attraction for me has vanished. There’s no way she misbehaves all day because she can’t stand the idea of me sucking her sweet pussy later that night.

  I flick my tongue rapidly over her clit until she stiffens. Not wanting her to come just yet, I ease off and thrust my tongue into her tightness next. I’m lapping up her juices. I can’t get enough of her. I hate that she’s going to come any second. I’d rather lick her for hours.

  I pray there might come a day when I get that opportunity, and that scares me to death. Sabine is not mine. She’s here for four more days. She’s not even right for me, I lie to myself.

  Returning my attention to her clit, I flatten my tongue and press down until she screams out her orgasm. Her little body shakes in my arms, jerking with every pulse of her release.

  I don’t remove my mouth until she flinches under my touch, and then I press a kiss to her mound before lifting my face.

  She’s dazed and breathing heavily as I release her breasts and pull my arms from under her thighs. I wipe my face on the sheets and then climb up her body.

  It’s not lost on me as I hover over her, that I’m fully dressed in jeans and a T-shirt while she lies naked and sated on my bed. “You may be a naughty little girl, but apparently it’s not because you don’t want me to give you pleasure.”

  She shakes her head. “Definitely not the reason, Sir.”

  “I was just making sure.” I cup her face with one hand and make her look at me. “I needed to know. Don’t get anything in your head. The rules don’t change. That’s the one and only time you will be permitted to orgasm on days your bottom saw my palm. Understood?”

  “Yes, Sir.” Her expression is serious. Good, because so were my words.

  I drop onto the bed next to her, roll onto my back, arrange the pillows under my head, and pull her to my side.

  She wraps her leg over my thigh and snuggles into me, setting her cheek on my chest. Her nightie has been left above her head. Forgotten for now.

  I stroke my hand up and down her body for several minutes before speaking. “Why did you ask me to spank you earlier?”

  “I don’t know, Sir. I just felt like a bad girl. You might as well spank me even before I misbehave because apparently, I can’t stop myself.”

  “Do you like it when I spank you?”

  She shakes her head. “No. I mean, I don’t think so. Maybe?”

  I chuckle and kiss her forehead. “It’s okay to enjoy a spanking, Sabine. Lots of girls do.”

  A few moments go by before she speaks again. “I think I like it when you spank me because I like it when you touch me. It makes me feel alive. It also makes me horny. But I don’t like it when you put me in timeout afterward and leave me by myself. So, it’s not reasonable that I antagonize you.”

  I wrap my arm around her and pull her closer, wishing I were as naked as her so I could feel every inch of her skin against mine. Four more days.

  And then what? And then she leaves? Is there a chance I might get to keep her and claim her body fully?

  I’ve never been more uncertain or nervous about something in my life.

  Chapter 18

  Sabine

  * * *
r />   The next afternoon, I wake up from my mandatory nap and slide from the bed. I pick up my dress from the footboard and pull it over my head. The door to Master Kellen’s bedroom is ajar, so after putting on my shoes, I walk into his room.

  He’s not there. He must be downstairs.

  I wander farther into his room and drag my fingers along his bed, remembering how he made me come last night with his mouth on my pussy. It was by far the best orgasm of my life. If I could find a way to be a good girl, he would grant me that every night.

  For how long, though? I’m supposed to leave in three days. Or at least that’s when our agreement ends. He hasn’t said a word about keeping me.

  I spot a box on the floor next to his side of the bed. It’s out of place in his otherwise perfectly organized room. My curiosity takes over, and I drop down onto my butt and peek inside.

  On top is a picture of Master Kellen with a beautiful woman. I lift it out and look closer. It must be his wife. They look so happy. He’s standing behind her and he’s got his arms around her shoulders. He’s smiling broader than I’ve ever seen.

  I stare at it for a few moments and then glance back into the box, realizing that it’s filled with mementos. Several of the things have no meaning to me. Tickets to concerts and movies. A napkin. I look closer and see that their names are printed on it. It’s from their wedding.

  A knot forms in my stomach. He’s been going through this today. He misses her. I’m so naughty that he would rather be reminded of his previous little. His good girl.

  There’s a negligee and a preserved rose. A jewelry box I’m unwilling to open and fuzzy handcuffs. The silly kind that wouldn’t really restrain anyone.

  On the bottom is a collar. My heart races. I’ve seen these before at the club. I’ve read about them. It’s delicate and pink with silver loops around it. He wasn’t just married to her. He collared her.

  My fingers are shaking as I reverently touch the leather and then lift it out of the box. I feel so sad. For him and for myself. I can’t imagine anyone ever loving me so much that they keep a box in my memory. I can’t imagine anyone ever loving me so much that they would claim me so thoroughly and collar me.

  I hold it to my neck, closing my eyes as I feel the leather on my skin and pretend I’m this loved.

  “What the hell are you doing?”

  I jerk my head around to find Master Kellen standing behind me. He’s angry. Hands on his hips. Brow furrowed. His face is red.

  I drop the collar back into the box and spin around, pushing myself to standing. “I’m sorry, Sir. The box was just here, and I saw it, and I was curious, and I wanted to—”

  He cuts me off with a hand in the air. “Stop. Enough. I can’t do this anymore. It’s too much.” His voice is raised. He’s beyond furious. “I’m done. You obviously don’t have a bone in your body that intends to be anyone’s little. I’ve had enough.” He spins around and flees the room.

  My heart is pounding. I run after him. “Sir?”

  He doesn’t look at me or even glance back. He keeps walking. Down the hallway and then down the stairs. He takes them at record speed.

  I rush behind him. I feel like shit. I never should have opened that box. I don’t know why I did it. I wish I could go back ten minutes and never enter his room at all.

  “Sir, I’m sorry,” I repeat as we enter the kitchen. “It was wrong of me. I shouldn’t have snooped.”

  He grabs his cell phone from the kitchen counter and touches the screen a few times. His back is to me as he speaks. “Julius, I’m done. This arrangement is over. Can you come pick up Sabine?... Thanks. Yep. See you then.”

  Tears run down my face. I’m so mortified. Why did I have to be so nosey? “Sir?”

  He turns around to face me and points at me. “Stop. Stop talking. This is over, Sabine. You obviously don’t want to be anyone’s little. It was all a game to you. I don’t know why I ever thought it could be more. It was stupid of me.” He stomps past me.

  This time, I follow him to his office. I’m shaking. I’m so mad at myself. I can’t fix this. I’ve ruined a good thing with my stupidity.

  Master Kellen yanks open the bottom drawer of his desk. He pulls out my purse and another bag that I can tell contains the clothes I came here in. He drops them on the sofa. “Change. Julius will be here in a few minutes. I’m going outside. I don’t want to see you again. Wait for him by the front door.”

  He leaves.

  I can hear his footsteps even though my head is ringing. He heads toward the kitchen and then the sound of the back door opening and closing makes me flinch.

  I don’t move for several moments. I’m stunned. Angry with myself. I’m still shaking as I pad over to the pile he left. There’s nothing I can do but finally obey him for the first damn time. Ironic that my obedience comes when he has dismissed me to send me away because he doesn’t want me.

  What did I expect? Wasn’t this always how it was going to end, anyway? He was never going to keep me. I seem to have made sure of this.

  I pull my dress over my head, fold it, and set it on the sofa. Next, I remove everything else—shoes, socks, panties. I’m naked and shivering in his office as I put my old clothes on. It feels strange to wear jeans and a bra again.

  I’m moving on autopilot, totally out of my body now. Sadness settles in my chest. I spin around to take a last look at the room and spot my journal on the little table. Taking a breath, I shuffle toward it and pick it up. I flip through the pages. I’ve written so much in here. My soul is between these pages. It’s a lost soul, to be sure, but it’s mine all the same.

  Instead of taking it with me, I wander over to Master Kellen’s desk and set it down, right in the center where he can’t miss it. I may be a fucked-up mess, but he deserves to know everything I was ever thinking while I was here living as his little girl.

  I’m crying silently. I didn’t even realize tears were running down my face until I reach up and swipe at them.

  Finally, I grab my purse and head for the front door. I’ve ruined what was possibly the best thing to ever happen to me. And I don’t even know why I’ve done it.

  Chapter 19

  Master Kellen

  * * *

  I’m not in the mood to discuss my shitty life with Roman, but he’s here anyway, sitting on my patio, drinking my coffee, staring at me. “Tell me what happened.”

  “I’m sure you heard.”

  “Yes. Julius had Quinten come over to the house and talk to Sabine.”

  I glance at Roman. “Quinten Odell?”

  He chuckles. “Yes. Do you know another Quinten?”

  I ran a hand down my face. “Good. I’m sure she needed someone to talk to.” Quinten is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist who also happens to be a formidable Dom and a member of Surrender. He’s been known to help members out when they have issues.

  “What about you? You don’t think you need someone to talk to?”

  I groan and roll my eyes at him. “I’ve met with Quinten before. You know that. He helped me and Stacy often when she was dying. He’s a great guy. I don’t need a shrink right now though.”

  Roman sighs. “Fine. Be stubborn. I’ve heard the entire saga from Lucy and Sabine, but tell me your side in your words.”

  I sigh and sip my coffee before leaning back in the chair and meeting his gaze. “It doesn’t matter. It was never meant to be, anyway. It was a two-week arrangement to help Sabine find herself. She found herself, all right. She’s not a little. What else is there to say?”

  He stares at me for several moments before pulling in a breath. “You don’t believe a word of that.”

  I lift a brow.

  “First of all, even though your agreement was for two weeks, I know you were interested in her beyond that. Don’t try to tell me, or yourself, otherwise. You watched her for weeks before you brought her home. You saw her almost the same number of times I saw Lucy before I brought her into my home. The situation is eerily similar.”


  I shoot him a glare.

  He groans. “Fine. You didn’t lie to her. Not blatantly, at least.”

  “I didn’t lie to her at all,” I point out. Roman, on the other hand, withheld quite a bit of information when he first met Lucy and “hired” her to work for him, knowing full well he really wanted her as his own and not telling her those minor details.

  “You kind of did because you insisted it was for two weeks when inside you knew you wanted more. That changed the way she looked at things from day one. She never once had an inkling that maybe you would change your mind. Maybe you would keep her.”

  I run my hand over my face and then sip my coffee again. “I didn’t intend to keep her, and obviously it was the right decision because she didn’t have it in her.”

  Roman rolls his eyes. “Kellen, I’ve known you for years. I knew Stacy, too. She would have her hands on her hips and be shooting daggers with her eyes at you if she were here.”

  I chuckle sardonically. “Stacy never defied me like that. She would have demurely dipped her head and deferred to my judgment.”

  “You really believe that? Look, man, you loved her. We all know you loved her. But she wasn’t perfect. She was human. She sometimes got herself into mischief. If you don’t remember that, you need a memory jog. And she would be pissed if she were here. She would put you in your place.”

  I blow out a breath, exasperated. “Fine. For what? What the hell have I done?”

  “You hardened your heart. You won’t let another submissive in. And I hate to see you like this because you’re only thirty-eight years old. You have your entire life in front of you. It’s time to let go of Stacy and open your heart to another woman.”

  “Even if you’re right… Even if I were ready for that, Sabine is not a little. She did everything she could to sabotage our agreement. When and if I decide to bring another woman into my life, she will be a little because I’m a Daddy Dom.”