Choosing Kellen Read online

  That side of the room is professional. To the left, as we enter, I notice an entire corner is set up for a child. That’s where Lucy heads. There’s a white bookshelf against the far wall. In front of it are a fluffy, pink beanbag chair and an oval rug in pastels. The shelves are covered with books and toys.

  Lucy slides the game from the shelf and plops down onto the floor on the rug. “Come on,” she encourages.

  I close the gap between us, still soaking in her environment. Fascinating. When I reach her, I lower to the floor, crossing my legs in front of me. It’s not as easy in my jeans as it would be if I were wearing nothing but a short dress. Lucy doesn’t even attempt to tuck it under her butt. She’s sitting on her underwear.

  I’m wearing tennis shoes and a Harvard T-shirt. I look like any grad student would on a Saturday afternoon. Any grad student who didn’t masquerade as a little in her off-time.

  Lucy takes the board out of the box and spreads it out between us. She smiles at me. “Go ahead and ask me anything you want. I don’t mind.” Her voice is youthful, but this is the first time today she’s said anything to indicate she’s playing a role.

  I lick my lips, not sure what I want to ask, nor wanting to appear impolite. It was one thing talking to her more or less as equals in the library. It’s another thing altogether to question her lifestyle while she’s in her little space.

  “Do you wear a bra?” I blurt out, keeping my voice down.

  She giggles. “Nope. Daddy says I’m too young.” She rolls her eyes dramatically and leans closer, glancing toward the doorway as if confirming no one is listening. “The front of my dresses rub against my nipples though. It’s weird, and I’ve never gotten used to it.”

  I nod, feeling my face heat again. “So, Master Roman chooses what you wear?”

  “Yep. Everything. Including my panties.”

  I watch her squirm as she folds her legs under her farther. With her knees spread open like that, if she lifted her dress an inch, I would totally see everything. And yet, she doesn’t seem to care.

  When I hear the men’s voices through the open door, I draw in a breath, imagining yet again what it must be like to live Lucy’s life. I’m kind of envious. She’s loved and cared for by not just Master Roman but his staff. Anyone can see she’s happy.

  I spent my actual childhood in a home like this with servants who took care of me and indulged me. As an adult though, I can’t imagine being able to turn myself over to another human being like her. It’s so far out of my realm of imagination.

  Lucy seems so content, however, and I envy her relaxed nature. She’s fully at one with her lifestyle choice. Considering the fact that her childhood looked nothing like this, I can almost understand why she would want to reenact it, so to speak. She was poor and her parents ignored her. They also both died when she was young, leaving her with a grandmother who didn’t want her. Her story made me sad when she told me, but it explains why she enjoys this do-over.

  I also question my own motivations. I get that everyone is different and we each have our own reasons for how we got where we are today, but my pampered childhood isn’t something I need to recreate.

  For the next hour, I let Lucy’s exuberance seep into me as we play the game. She’s beating me, and I don’t even mind. It’s the most fun I’ve had in a long time. I haven’t had a chance to relax and just enjoy a board game since some time in early high school.

  Suddenly, Lucy lands on Boardwalk and squeals loudly. She immediately clamps a hand over her mouth and glances at the doorway.

  In seconds Master Roman enters the room. “What did I say about keeping your voice down, blossom?” His hands are on his hips. His head cocked to one side.

  “Sorry, Daddy. I landed on Boardwalk, and I got excited.”

  “You interrupted us,” he points out.

  I watch his expression. He’s stern, but not angry. He looks like he’s fighting another emotion. Humor maybe?

  “Two choices,” he declares.

  Lucy sighs.

  “One, you put the game away and your playdate is over. Or two, I spank you in front of your friend and you go back to playing but with a lower voice.” He lifts a brow.

  I’m stunned. I shouldn’t be. But I am. I glance at Lucy who fidgets in her spot. She opens her mouth, and for a moment I think she might argue, but then she snaps her lips closed and glances at her lap. “I don’t want Sabine to go home yet,” she murmurs.

  Master Roman grabs the chair from behind the desk and rolls it over to us. He sits on it and pats his knee. “Come here, blossom.”

  I can’t help but watch in total fascination as Lucy slowly rises and shuffles over to Master Roman. My face is flushed as if I were the one about to get spanked instead of Lucy. In addition, I’m aroused. Undeniably horny. And totally shocked by my reaction.

  I can’t breathe as Master Roman arranges Lucy to one side of his thighs, leans her over his knees, and clasps her wrists in one large hand at the small of her back. Wetness coats my panties as he lifts her dress over her butt and tucks it under their combined hands. I’m pretty sure my heart stops entirely when he lowers her panties over her bottom.

  I wince as his hand lands on her naked skin.

  Lucy whimpers.

  He spanks her again several times, his palm never landing in the same spot.

  Lucy purses her lips and buries her face against his thigh.

  I feel like I’ve slid into another dimension, and time stands still while Master Roman finishes doling out his punishment, pulls her panties back over her butt, and stands her in front of him. He sets one hand on her shoulder and lifts her chin with his other hand. “Good girl. You’ll keep your voice down now?”

  “Yes, Sir.” Her voice is soft.

  “Okay. I’ll be done with my meeting soon.” He spins her around and pats her bottom, releasing her.

  I watch Master Roman rise and roll the chair back toward the desk and then I jerk my attention to the doorway. Kellen is standing just inside the room, fingertips in his pockets, feet planted wide, gaze on me. How long has he been watching me?

  I squirm. The spanking aroused me. I’m shocked by my reaction. I watched several people get spanked at Surrender in the last month. None were as erotic as what I just witnessed.

  I feel the heat rise up my cheeks as I turn around to face the gameboard, unnerved by Kellen’s attention. Surely he has no idea I’m aroused. I can’t begin to ponder the opposite.

  Chapter 3

  Sabine

  * * *

  “You’ve become a voyeur,” Abby teases me the next afternoon as we sit on the back porch enjoying an unusually warm and cloud-free summer day in Seattle.

  I groan. “It’s like I’ve left the planet. I’m consumed.”

  She giggles. “I can see that. Do you still think you might be dominant?” she teases before sipping her lemonade.

  I sigh. “Apparently not. It’s still hard to grasp how someone like me, who’s always been outspoken and loud and domineering in every aspect of my life, could possibly enjoy some form of submission. Nevertheless, evidence would suggest I was wrong.”

  She laughs again. “Evidence being your arousal when you watch other people submitting?”

  “I guess so.” It’s not really deniable. “I can’t imagine participating, though. It’s surreal. In every relationship I’ve been in, I was the more dominant one. Bossy even,” I remind her about my few boyfriends.

  She smirks. “And how did that work out for you?”

  I sigh. “Okay. You’ve got me there. Good point.” Every boyfriend I’ve had dumped me.

  She holds my gaze before continuing. “Julius thinks you should give it a try.”

  “Give what a try? Submitting? Like at the club one night?” I’ve participated in a few demos just to see what it feels like, but at no time have I let myself succumb to the mindset.

  She shakes her head. “Nope. More intense than that. Levi and Beck agree with him.”

  I swall
ow my last sip of lemonade, surprised I manage not to choke. “They discussed my submission?”

  She smiles. “Yep, and I agree.” She sets her glass down and leans forward. “Admit it. You came to Seattle to get as far away from your parents as possible so you could explore BDSM.”

  I nod. She’s right about that. I’ve been living vicariously through her for two years while she’s become the happiest person I know. I’m uneasy about actually taking any action though. Watching is one thing. Participating fully is another ballpark. Am I ready for that?

  “You’ve been here a month, and I love having you. And don’t get me wrong, we have plenty of space. You can stay as long as you’d like. But, here’s the thing. I’ve taken several weeks off to relax between semesters, but I have to start studying for the bar. It’s the perfect opportunity for you to broaden your exploration.”

  I bite the corner of my bottom lip. “You have a plan, don’t you?” I try not to laugh. I’m certain Abby has a plan. I’ve known her for six years. She has always been the more level-headed one between the two of us. I’m the one who tended to get us into trouble. She’s the one who tended to get us out of it.

  “Yep. I mean, I didn’t come up with it myself. The guys did. But yes.”

  I grip my glass, trying not to shake.

  “They think you should immerse yourself. Give it a try. Take advantage of this time to give submission a try.”

  I know Julius, Levi, and Beck used to train submissives before they met Abby and decided to keep her permanently. Surely, she doesn’t mean they intend to teach me themselves? “I suppose you have someone in mind?”

  She nods again. “Keep an open mind. You’ve met him.”

  I strain my brain and come up with nothing.

  “Master Kellen.”

  I gasp. Even though I formally met him yesterday at Lucy’s, and I know he’s a member of Surrender, this idea hadn’t occurred to me. “Kellen? Why would he agree to something like this?”

  “Master Kellen. You should get that in your head. You won’t be referring to him as Kellen.”

  “Wait…” I shoot her a glare. “Is that why he was at Lucy’s yesterday? Is Master Roman also in on this scheme?”

  She cringes apologetically. “Don’t be mad. The guys tell me he’s perfect for you.”

  “The guys?” I draw in a breath. “You do realize these guys you keep referring to are grown men, significantly older than us. Master Kellen must think I’m a baby.” I emphasize Master, trying it out on my tongue while humoring Abby.

  She chuckles again. “And I can’t stress enough how amazing it is to have an older man.”

  I laugh. “First of all, how would you know? You never had any man at all before you moved here. And second of all, you have three.” I pretend to swoon, tossing the back of my hand over my forehead.

  “Okay, three is better than one. Don’t judge,” she jokes.

  I give her an exaggerated shudder. “I may be floundering a bit trying to feel my way into the BDSM world, but I know for sure I’m not interested in having three men. It’s great for you and all. I’m not judging. But I think I’ll stick to one.”

  “Perfect. Master Kellen doesn’t share.”

  I groan. “Why on earth would he want to help me out? I’ve only seen him a few times and just met him formally yesterday. He knows nothing about me.”

  “Julius says you’d be helping him out, too. His wife, who was his submissive, died from cancer a few years ago, and he’s been reluctant to get back in the scene.”

  “Shit. That’s awful.” I feel bad for him. That doesn’t really explain why he would want to help me.

  “At first, he turned Julius down, but then he saw you in action. He’s changed his mind.” She beams as though she’s made an amazing breakthrough.

  “Is that why he was at Roman’s yesterday? To watch me?” I sit up straighter, my spine going rigid. “Wait. Is he like Roman? A Daddy or whatever?”

  Abby nods. “He is.” She watches my face.

  My jaw drops. My heart starts racing. I think back on everything I witnessed yesterday and how it made me feel. There’s no denying I was aroused watching Lucy get spanked for raising her voice. And Kellen, Master Kellen, was there. He was watching me. Gauging my reactions. I hadn’t realized I was being interviewed, so to speak.

  I swallow. “I don’t know, Abby. That’s a huge step. It’s one thing to experiment. It’s another thing to join in. And you’re not talking about floggers and paddles. You’re talking about frilly dresses and pigtails.” I shudder, but I squeeze my legs together at the same time, my pussy pulsing as the words leave my mouth.

  “Yep. Think about it. You’ve dabbled in many aspects of the community, but you’ve spent more time with Lucy than anyone else.”

  “She’s nice. I like her. She’s a friend.”

  Abby nods. “She’s a little, and you’re drawn to her.”

  I lean back in my chair and pull my knees up, setting my heels on the edge of the seat. Is Abby right? “I was doing research. I find her lifestyle fascinating. I was thinking I might write about it.”

  “I get that, but I think you should try it out firsthand. What better research is there than firsthand experience? You can’t pass up this opportunity. If you decide your inquisitiveness doesn’t extend past curiosity, that’s fine. But what if you learn something new about yourself and find out you enjoy the lifestyle?”

  I glance away, feeling my cheeks heat. My unruly curls fall across my forehead, and I tuck them behind my ear, only to have the locks fall right back where they were. I close my eyes, imagining all this curly hair pulled back in braids. Sure would be simple.

  “Would you like to watch some videos of other littles in action?” Abby asks cautiously.

  I flush further at the thought as I meet her gaze. Abby’s Doms own Vanguard Media. In addition to shooting regular jobs like weddings and graduations, they also shoot BDSM scenes in their home office in the basement. I’ve been to the room. I have not watched them in action though, nor have I seen any of their work.

  Abby continues. “It might help you gauge your reaction to various ages and styles of submission.”

  I shake my head. “That feels too intrusive.”

  “I would never show you anything without the approval of the people involved, Sabine.”

  I draw in a breath. “Yeah, but still. I think I’d rather figure it out for myself.” I’ve watched porn before, but it’s not the same. Not even close. It’s fake. The people who come here to be filmed do so for real. They have honest emotions and feelings and arousal. I’ve seen it at Surrender. I’m sure it’s no different here in Abby’s basement studio.

  “And that’s fine, too. Honestly, sometimes what gets people off is watching. Other times a submissive needs participation. You won’t know for sure until you try,” she encourages.

  I wrap my arms around my knees and rock forward. I’m wearing comfortable jeans and a T-shirt. Abby is wearing a loose, white shift dress. The material is very thin, making it obvious she doesn’t have anything on underneath it. I’ve gotten a glimpse of her stiff, darker nipples several times. I’m under the impression she often spends the day naked in this house, but her Doms have given her the bare minimum to wear in my presence. I’m used to it.

  I think of my research. I have a journal I’ve been writing in every night. So far, I haven’t started a manuscript, but I keep thinking I will any day now. I shouldn’t pass up this opportunity. No matter how it goes, I will have learned more. I’m freaked out, and I know very little about Master Kellen, but I do know that Julius, Beck, and Levi would never set me up with someone who would harm me. Nor would Roman.

  I bite my bottom lip and then release it. “I’ll do it.”

  Abby’s smile widens. “Good. I promise you won’t regret it.”

  “Will I have some sort of contract or something?” I know about contracts. People in the community have them. I want to be sure I’m safe.

  “You’l
l work out those details with Master Kellen.”

  I nod slowly, resolved, while at the same time butterflies have taken up residence in my belly.

  Chapter 4

  Master Kellen

  * * *

  Sabine is extremely nervous. She keeps biting down on her thumbnail, holding it between her front teeth. She has no idea it makes her look like she’s sucking her thumb. It’s precious, and I haven’t decided if I will make her stop the habit or let her keep it.

  We’re in my office. Julius dropped her off a few minutes ago. She’s sitting in an oversized armchair that matches the one I’m in across from her. The difference is that I’m six-foot and she’s about five-two. She looks small in that chair, which is exactly why I’ve seated her there. Her feet don’t reach the ground, even though she’s ramrod straight on the edge of the seat.

  I’m taking my time with her, partly so that I can judge her every reaction and partly so she can absorb everything fully.

  The truth is that I’m a nervous wreck inside. It’s been so long since I’ve had a little in my home, and I’ve never had one who didn’t arrive already knowing what she wanted and what to expect. I know Roman and Julius think they’re doing me a favor. I’m clear on their intentions. They want to drag me out of my shell, put myself back out there.

  If Sabine wasn’t incredibly adorable, I never would have agreed to this. But fuck me, she’s cute. Even squirming and fidgeting and looking everywhere but at me. Especially because of those things.

  She’s wearing jeans, a white T-shirt, and tennis shoes. Simple. Casual. Not at all what I would dress her in. Not at all what I will dress her in. Starting this morning.

  I’m forcing myself to remain outwardly calm and in control, seated casually with one leg crossed over the other. I have my elbow on the arm of the chair and I’m rubbing my chin with my pointer and thumb. I’m wearing khakis, loafers, and a light blue button-down. The perfect Daddy figure.