Choosing Kellen Read online

  “Your nerves are palpable, little one.” My choice of words is intentional. I want to put her in her place right from the start.

  She shifts her weight back and forth, dropping her hands to her sides and tucking her fingers under her thighs. “I’ve never done anything like this. I’m a little freaked out. I’m not sure I’m cut out for this experiment at all.”

  “I’m aware of that. If it makes you feel any better, I’ve never done anything like this, either.”

  She jerks her gaze from her lap to meet mine. Her eyes are wide.

  I smile at her. “I mean, I’ve never trained a new submissive. A new little. Girls come to me already in the lifestyle.”

  She swallows. “I’m not even sure I’m submissive or a little.”

  I nod. “That’s okay. You’re here to learn. There is no right or wrong. You’ll figure it out as we go along. As will I.”

  Her legs swing a bit.

  “Sit still, Sabine. Try not to fidget. It will help you focus.”

  She stiffens and then crosses her ankles as if that might help her keep from wiggling. She tries to reach the floor but only the tips of her toes touch. It’s not enough to ground her.

  “That a girl. Take a deep breath.”

  She drags in a breath and releases it too fast. Fucking cute. I can’t be sure yet if she will find her place in the lifestyle of a little, but I’m certainly hoping she does because outwardly she’s perfect. It depends on what kind of mental blocks she puts up.

  I shake that thought from my head. I’m not in this to make her mine. I’m in this to help her find herself. I’m not even close to ready to take on a full-time little again. I’m not sure I ever will be. Losing Stacy brought me to my knees. I don’t think I can go through something like that again.

  “Why don’t we start with my expectations of you?”

  “Okay,” she murmurs.

  “First of all, you’ll address me as Sir or Master Kellen. Even though my job is to introduce you to the world of littles, I don’t expect you to call me Daddy. Not at this stage. You’re not ready for something like that.”

  She nods. “Yes, Sir.”

  “Good girl. Next, I want you to fully immerse yourself in the life. Be the little. Twenty-four seven. It’s the best way to get in the headspace and find yourself. You’ll be permitted to ask questions, but I want you to stay in your little space.”

  She nods again. She’s a bit pale. “What, uh… um… What age am I supposed to be, Sir?”

  “We’re going to try out several ages. I’m going to let you decide each day. I’ve arranged a room for you upstairs and I’ll let you pick your age every morning.”

  Her eyes widen. “Oh.”

  “Some Doms choose for their littles. I’ve done that in the past. But you’re different. You can’t possibly have a clue what age you might enjoy. I want you to try all of them, but at your pace. In your time.”

  She purses her lips as she nods.

  “I’ll warn you now that I’m very strict. I expect you to obey me in all things. If you don’t, you’ll find yourself over my knee with my palm on your bottom.”

  She turns the most delightful shade of red and squirms. “I’m not sure how I feel about that…Sir.”

  “You’ll find out, won’t you?”

  She sucks in a breath.

  I can feel her defiance. She’s going to challenge me. If any other little came into my home and challenged me, I would put a stop to it in two seconds or send them packing. Something about Sabine shakes my foundation a bit though. I find myself eager for her to defy me. My palm is twitching expectantly.

  I watch her closely. “My rules aren’t difficult or outrageous. They exist for your safety and to help set boundaries. Adults who find themselves enjoying the life of a little often do so because they like structure and letting someone else take responsibility.”

  She licks her lips. “You should know that I didn’t live a very structured childhood the first time around. I’m an only child. My parents spoiled me. They rarely told me no.”

  Interesting. I won’t point out to her that she’s just made my job that much easier. No wonder she’s intrigued by Lucy’s life. Sabine may be screaming inside for structure and guidance. “Where are your parents now?”

  “Still in Cambridge. My father’s in banking. My mom’s a professor. They were often busy when I was a child, but I didn’t miss out on anything. I had nannies and cooks and tutors. I wanted for nothing.”

  I nod, letting her figure things out for herself. “I won’t be that kind of Daddy, Sabine. I have rules, and I enforce them. Did you never get into trouble when you were young?”

  She shakes her head and then switches to nodding. “I mean, sure, I got into mischief. I pushed every limit, but my parents never got very angry.”

  “And how did that make you feel?” I ask her.

  She frowns and then shrugs. “I don’t know. I didn’t care. I thought I was lucky. While my friends were grounded on a Friday night, I was always free to come and go as I pleased.”

  She has no idea what she’s revealing. Not a clue that she has told me everything I need to know about how to work with her. She’s begging for boundaries, and she will get them under my roof. I just hope she isn’t bratty.

  “You won’t be free to come and go as you please in my home, little one. Not for a second. If you want to experiment as my little, you’ll follow my rules. I know you’re not shocked. You’ve seen Lucy in action. Master Roman is a strict Daddy, but he’s fair, and you’ll find me to be fair also.”

  She opens her mouth and then closes it.

  “Please, speak your mind, little one.”

  She clears her throat. “Lucy told me that she didn’t really have a childhood and that’s what appeals to her. She gets to be the little girl she never was. I’m not like that.”

  I smile again, hoping that my calm exterior is putting her at ease. “That’s one type of little. There are so many reasons why women prefer to live as young girls. Sometimes it’s the opposite. For example, some women really enjoyed their childhood and want to relive it.”

  Her eyes widen again. “That might be more like me.”

  “Perhaps.” I’m holding back. She’ll figure out for herself what her reasons are in time.

  Sabine tucks a lock of hair behind her ear, and I watch it spring right back, trying not to chuckle at her effort. I wonder how many times in her life she’s wasted her energy trying to tame her hair back.

  Her auburn curls are loose today. She doesn’t even have a clip. I love her hair. It’s gorgeous. I also can’t wait to restrain it.

  “Tell me more about you, little one.” I hold my position, still slowly stroking my chin, not moving more than necessary so she won’t spook.

  She tugs her hands out from under her thighs and folds them in her lap. “The truth is that I have everything I could ever want. I have a sizable trust fund, which is why I haven’t been in a hurry to find a job.” She cringes. “That’s rather embarrassing and pitiful isn’t it?”

  I shake my head. “Not at all. You just graduated a month ago. You’re still trying to find yourself. If you have the means to do so, you’re entitled to take the time.”

  She draws in a breath. “Anyway, that’s how I ended up here. I’ve been thinking about writing a book. The idea is probably far-fetched, but I thought if I researched various aspects of Abby’s life, I might get inspired and learn enough to write a story.”

  I unfold my legs and lean forward, putting my elbows on my knees. “So you’re planning to write about the BDSM community? That’s what all the research is for?”

  She shrugs. “Maybe.”

  “Admirable. Have you been taking notes?”

  “Yes. I have a journal. I’ve been writing in it every day. Rambling mostly. But I’ve noted everything I’ve learned so far each day.”

  “Good for you. I’ll expect you to continue that process then. Daily.” I lift a brow.

  She nods. “
Yes, Sir.”

  I pause a moment and then continue questioning her. “How many boyfriends have you had?”

  She shrugs. “A few, Sir.”

  “Anyone serious?”

  “I thought so. Apparently, they didn’t.” I can hear the frustration and rejection in her voice. Interesting.

  “They broke up with you?”

  She nods. “Ironically, I’m bossy and domineering.”

  I chuckle. “Maybe you weren’t meant to be bossy and domineering,” I suggest. “You won’t be that way under my roof. I’ll be bossy in this relationship. You’ll be demure and obedient.”

  She lifts her hand and chews absently on her thumbnail again. It must be a nervous habit. When combined with her wiggling, she looks very young. I don’t think she realizes it.

  I stare at her for a few moments, rubbing my chin with two fingers, letting my last words sink in. “Is this going to be a problem?”

  She lowers her hand. “I don’t know, Sir. I can try?” It’s comical how her voice lilts like she’s asking me a question.

  “I suggest you do more than simply try. If you’re going to immerse yourself in the lifestyle of a little, you’ll miss out on all the fun parts if you end up spending all your time being disciplined.”

  She nods, but that thumbnail comes to her lips again.

  “Stop biting your nail, Sabine,” I reprimand, mostly to gauge her reaction. I’m setting a bar though. Now that I’ve made this decision, I’ll need to stick to it.

  She jerks her hand away from her mouth, probably unaware she’d even been biting her thumbnail to begin with. “Yes, Sir.”

  “Would you like to get started?”

  She draws in a sharp breath but nods. “Yes, Sir.”

  “How about if I show you your room? You can change and come back downstairs.”

  She nods again. “Okay, Sir.” Her voice is wobbly. It’s expected.

  I rise and reach out a hand to her. She grabs it and lets me help her to her feet. I find I like the feel of her smaller palm in mine. It’s warm from her sitting on it. Soft. I instinctively lift it to my face and rub her knuckles against my cheek.

  It’s been so long since I’ve let myself experience this kind of intimacy, and I probably shouldn’t be doing so with Sabine, but I can’t help myself. I’m drawn to her. If I wasn’t, she wouldn’t be here. I need to watch myself, though. This woman is far too inexperienced for the likes of me. Even if she realizes she enjoys the life of a little, that doesn’t mean that I’d keep her.

  I’m doing this experiment for two reasons. One is to get my friends off my back because they’re right. I need to put myself out there again. Two is because Sabine intrigues me. She’s cute and sexy at the same time. I want to know what makes her tick. I’m curious enough that I’ve made this commitment.

  But it can’t go beyond this trial. She’s far younger than me and has her entire life ahead of her. She should find a man who’s closer to her age with his entire life ahead of him.

  I can certainly work with her for a few weeks, help her discover her kink, but anything more than that is out of the question. No matter how well this goes, I must set her free when the experiment is over. Training a little is a lot of work. It would take months to mold her to my liking, assuming it was even possible. Assuming she would want that as well.

  I’ve spent the last decade building my construction business. It’s one of the largest in the city. My clients are mostly corporate jobs these days. And though my staff thinks I work too hard and has encouraged me to take time off for months, I find it hard to relinquish control.

  Or maybe I use my work as a way to hide from the world. From the pain of losing Stacy. From loneliness.

  If Stacy could communicate with me, she would be disappointed. I’ve withdrawn from life in the last three years. She hadn’t wanted this for me. She’d made me promise I would find someone else to spend my life with. I’ve let her down, but I can’t seem to do otherwise.

  As I lead Sabine out of my home office, still holding her hand in mine, I know I’ve made the right decision. This will be good for me. A stepping stone. I’ll help Sabine find herself and then let her go. Maybe the experience will help me pull out of my funk and find a little of my own. Someone closer to my age. Someone seasoned who won’t require as much supervision.

  My heart should be lighter at the prospect. Why do I feel heavy instead?

  As I reach the ornate winding staircase in the front foyer, I draw Sabine alongside me. She’s twisting her neck around to take in my home. I glance around with her, trying to imagine it through her eyes.

  Chances are she comes from a home far grander than this one, but I’m incredibly proud of this house. I designed it and supervised the construction myself two years ago. After Stacy died, I found it difficult to sleep in the home we shared, so I sold it and built this one. Sabine will be the first little to stay here. Hell, she’s the first human other than me to sleep in this house.

  “Your home is lovely, Sir,” she murmurs.

  “Thank you, little one.” The foyer and stairs are a cream color. Enormous windows above the front door let in a lot of light. I wanted this area to be bright and inviting so that any guest would feel at peace when entering.

  Sabine slides her fingers along the handrail. “If you had kids, I bet they would have a blast sliding down these banisters.”

  I stop walking to shoot her a stern look. “If I find you gliding down these stairs with your bottom on the railing, I’ll spank you so hard you won’t be able to sit for the rest of the day.”

  She flushes. “Yes, Sir.”

  We reach the landing and I lead Sabine to the right. The hallway on the left has three guest rooms. The right has the master suite and one other bedroom. That room will be Sabine’s, and it’s the first door we come to, so I push it open and lead her inside.

  I step out of the way and release her hand so she can pass more fully into the room. It’s time to lay down some rules and get Sabine settled.

  Chapter 5

  Sabine

  * * *

  The bedroom Master Kellen leads me to takes my breath away. It’s beautiful. The hardwood floor has a large, plush, white, oval rug in the middle. The twin bed is straight ahead of me. It’s a daybed with three sides of white wooden slats. A fluffy white comforter with frilly lace around the edges and matching shams covers the mattress.

  A matching dresser and vanity are to my right, on both sides of the window. Sheer white curtains that match the comforter hang from the rod. The view is of the backyard. I haven’t explored that part of Master Kellen’s home yet, and I don’t spend time looking now because I’m still soaking in the room.

  To my left is a bookcase. There aren’t many things on the shelves yet, but I see a few books and dolls. It reminds me of the shelves Lucy has in her playroom.

  In the corner sits a white rocking chair.

  Master Kellen clears his throat behind me. “I wasn’t sure what colors you like, so I stuck with white. We can add colorful pillows if you want. I’ll let you choose some things.”

  I spin around. “You did this for me?”

  He furrows his brow. “Of course.”

  I wander around, soaking everything in up close. As I trail my fingers along the edge of the bed, my heart rate picks up. This is really happening. I’m going to sleep in this room and be Master Kellen’s little for a while.

  Master Kellen strides to one of two doors next to the bookcase. The first one he opens leads to an attached bathroom. He motions me forward, and I join him. The bathroom is mostly white with a marble counter and sink and a tile floor. There’s a built-in bathtub shower combination, but I notice there isn’t a shower curtain. Odd.

  Master Kellen takes my hand from behind and pulls me gently back into the bedroom. He opens the other door next. I’m expecting a closet. Instead, I’m shocked to find this door leads to another room, and I quickly realize this must be the master bedroom. “I intentionally connected the
se rooms when I built this house,” he states as he leads me into his space.

  In contrast, this room is done in dark grays and navy. The bed is king-sized and four-posted. The posts are black, as is the rest of the furniture. Across the room, there are two open doors. One leads to a bathroom. The second leads to a walk-in closet.

  I don’t know what to say, so I keep my mouth shut as Master Kellen leads me back to my room and closes the adjoining door. He wanders over to the dresser and sets his hand on top. I notice each of the six white drawers has a two-inch number affixed to it in the center between the two knobs. The numbers aren’t one through six, however. They’re even numbers. Two through twelve. The only color currently in the room, they’re pink.

  Master Kellen taps the dresser with his hand on top. “Everything you need while you stay here will be in these drawers. The numbers are ages. Each morning you get to choose which age you want to be that day. You aren’t permitted to look in the other drawers. One at a time. Once you open a drawer, you’re committed for that day.”

  I inch closer, feeling shaky. I like his plan, but some of those ages scare me to death. I lift my gaze to his. “Am I supposed to try all of them?”

  “Ideally, yes. But there’s no rush. If you find you enjoy a particular age, you’re welcome to open that drawer every day if you’d like. I’ll refill it each day with new clothes for the next time you choose that age. For the sake of your research and to fully get to know yourself, I do hope you eventually try them all.”

  I shiver as I consider what might be in the drawer with a two on it. Would I even be potty-trained at that age? I’m certain I’m not supposed to ask. And what about twelve? That’s an age Lucy prefers, chronologically at least. She has a unique arrangement with her Daddy. He chooses what she wears every day, changing the age of her clothing without consulting her. She has explained to me that her attitude and demeanor run toward the age of twelve most of the time, no matter how he dresses her.

  Master Kellen wanders over to the rocking chair and sits. He waves me toward him. When I reach him, he sets his hands on my hips and pulls me between his legs. With him sitting and me standing, we’re at eye level. “I know you must have a million questions, and I will answer them as we go along, but let me lay down some ground rules and answer a few of your questions before you ask them.”